Dear Dr Dick,
Why do men always leave the wet spot on your side of the bed?
Still stuck to the sheets
Red Hill, Brisbane
January 5, 1999
Doctor Dick replies:
Because that's where you are?
Seriously though, sex therapists and researchers throughout the world still
cannot agree on whether the wet spot in women really exists in the first
place. Among the proponents of the wet spot theory were famous American
sex workers, Simone and Chantelle, who declared in their 1938 thesis: Wet
spots: their origins, makeup and longevity, that your average wet spot consisted
of 83 percent male seminal fluid and related prostate gland discharges,
and 17 percent vaginal secretions. In other words, the wet spot, for those
like yourself who believe in its existence, is largely a male creation.
As such, it just boils my butt to think that after a man has given freely
and lovingly of himself, your typical selfish modern women – yes, you,
still stuck to the sheets, of Red Hill! – want to give it straight
back. It is any wonder that my therapy and massage rooms are overcrowded
with some very confused and frustrated late 20th Century men?
Dear Doctor Dick,
My last boyfriend was an absolute dud and my love life is once again up
the putty. Any suggestions?
Longing for love
Petersham, Sydney
December 3, 1998
Doctor Dick replies:
I'm going to answer this question on the basis that you're female, quite
a risky assumption seeing you come from Sydney.
My dear old gran had some very wise advice on finding the right mate and
I'm happy to pass it on to you now.
Whenever she started dating a new beau, she'd insist on being taken down
to the beach for a seafood takeaway meal.
Any suitor who ignored the more expensive fillets and happily hoed into
a feast of deep-sea mullet with minimum chips was, inevitably, her sort
of man.
Dear Dr Dick,
What is the average size of the unerect penis?
Curious,
Newcastle, NSW
December 21, 1998
Doctor Dick replies:
The unerect penis varies enormously in nature. The largest ever measured
was almost seven feet long (in the old scale) and weighed almost 300lb.
These statistics, recorded by researchers at the San Francisco Museum of
Natural History in 1934, are treated with some suspicion because the mature
blue whale had beached itself on a remote Californian Pacific Ocean bay
several weeks before being discovered. The museum staff believe that the
unerect penis of the blue whale in its natural environment would be quite
a bit smaller due to shrinkage caused by the cold water. At the other end
of the scale, the smallest unerect penis ever recorded goes to the West
African mite (Microscopis dinkus) at 0.0003cm. Entomologists recorded this
statistic using sophisticated electron microscopes and taking extra special
caution not to arouse the insect with the microscopic tweezers they were
using to extract the mite's penis from its sheath. In the mid range of unerect
peni is the South American...
Dear Doctor Dick,
No, I meant the human penis!
Curious,
Newcastle, NSW
December 21, 1998
Doctor Dick replies:
Oh, sorry. This also varies a lot. African tribesmen living on the equator,
for example, have a much larger unerect penis length than do Eskimos living
close to the North Pole. But let's get down to tin tacks. You're worried
about the length of your own little fireman, are you not? Of course you
are. Most men fret away their entire lives with such concern – and
with no good reason whatsoever. Always remember that men observe their own
penis from above and it always looks small from way up there. They then
get depressed at the urinal when they take a peek at men standing beside
them, only to discover other peni seem much larger than their's So next
time you're standing at the urinal, do this simple test. Make a mental measurement
of the penis length of the chap beside you and then hold up your hand with
your thumb and index finger apart by the same length. Then simply say: "Your
penis is this long. How big's mine?" You'll be amazed at the result.
Dear Doctor Dick,
I wish to thank you for all your insights.
Tony,
December 6, 1998
Doctor Dick replies:
Well thank you, Tony. I'm here to serve.
Dear Doctor Dick,
My boyfriend sucks!
Frustrated,
Highgate Hill
Doctor Dick replies:
And your problem?
Dear Doctor Dick,
Is it true that a man can enlarge his penis with jelq tech? I heard you
can. If so, how does it work? Is there any way to make you penis bigger
without surgery? Please write back.
I hope you have a great day.
Paul
August 19, 1998
Doctor Dick replies:
I sure as hell will – as soon as I find out what the hell jelq tech
is!
Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick
can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006,
or drop him an e-mail.
