Survey results shock:
England team cops a Pom-meling

It's official - the current England Test cricket team is chock-a-block full of mugs!
Nasser Hussain's flanneled fools scored a massive 92 percent out of the thousands of Bug readers who responded to our recent question: "Who would be the biggest team of mugs in world sport at present – Olympic or otherwise?"
It's a remarkable result considering the England side was buoyed recently by a comprehensive 3-1 victory at home over the former terrors of world cricket, the West Indies. Not only that, the survey respondents came from all over the globe, including many who had not even heard of England, let alone its flagship sporting side.
Typical of the comments that came in with our e-mail voting slip was this one from a Mr S. Waugh of Bankstown, Sydney: "The seventh best team in world cricket at the moment beats the eight best and then think they're God's gift to the sport."
Second in the survey to find the world's biggest team of mugs was the Equatorial Guinea 4x100m freestyle swimming relay team currently in training for the Athens Olympics, to be anchored by Eric "the Eel" Moussambani (4 percent).
Just behind them on 2 percent was the current England soccer team, currently struggling to make the next World Cup and so bereft of talent that no-one wants to take over the team's coaching job.
The remaining 1.98 percent of eligible survey returns was made up of various other England sporting teams, ranging from their rubgy league side to the national women's fours bowls side. The other 0.02 percent was made up by a Mr George Bush Junior of Texas, United States, who voted informally.
But it was the England cricket side that dominated the voting and e-mail comments. Here are just a sample:

"My school's open A side could probably beat the West Indies on a good day, provided they restricted Lara to less than a ton!"

- Mr George Anderson, Principal, Humpybong East High, Queensland

"My hunch is that the entire England side is taking that new performance drug, pseudo-methlyappleline-hydrate4-complexB2 version1.2, because our research with Steve Redgrave showed that if you didn't get the dose just right, a very serious side effect was an overwhelming delusion of adequacy."

- Ms Theresa Smyth, Do-Well Chemical Laboratories Inc, Medway, Kent.

"My God, man, the only one with any ticker is that Athers chappie – and he should have retired years ago. And as for that darkie Hussain strutting around at the Oval looking like God's gift to cricket after scoring a blasted pair, no wonder this country's going down the gurgler."

- Major General Scrymgeour Shackleton-Smith (retired) The Oaks, Princebridge, Notts, England.

"Wait til the Ashes tour next year and we'll wipe that smug look off those Pommie arseholes 'faces. I'd only take five bowlers: the Mac Attack, Dizzy Gillespie, Peggy Lee and the Polish Stallion as the speed quartet, and Shaney doing the slow stuff, provided, that is, we can get him off the phone to tell him of his selection."

- Former Australian selector (name withheld on request.)