Tiger in positive drug testes

The world's No 1 golfer Tiger Woods risks being stripped of recent Grand Slam victories following news that his balls have tested positive for the steroid nandrolone.
If the positive preliminary tests are confirmed in the laboratory, Woods, the youngest-ever player to win all four Grand Slams, could be stripped of many of his most memorable wins, including this year's amazing run where he grabbed three of the big four in just three months: the US Open on June 18, the British Open at St Andrews on July 23 and the US PGA on August 20.
In a Bug world exclusive, we can reveal that in a lighting raid on the golfer's Orlando, Florida home in the early hours of last Wednesday, agents from the US Drugs in Sport Commission used a specially designed mobile drugs testing kit on Woods's balls as he slept.
His balls were found to have 0.23mg of the steroid nandrolone per 100grams of ball, more than 1000 times the acceptable level.
A drugs expert told The Bug exclusively that Woods's balls would have been fairly humming as the Philippines-born, American-based golfer made his way around the world's most famous golf courses.
"Quite clearly, Woods's balls would have had much more bounce than other players' balls that were free of nandrolone," the expert said. "With that much nadrolone in them, you probably could have just held Woods's balls in one hand and, say, Colin Montgomerie's in the other and you would have just about been able to see the difference."
If the field tests are confirmed, it will be up to world golf's government body, Gofa, to determine whether Woods's drugged balls gave him an unfair advantage over golfers who played tournaments with normal balls. The extent of some of his Grand Slam wins might be Woods' saving grace.
The golfing great, 24, would not comment on the shock disclosure, saying only that he felt 'hurt' as soon as news of the sneak night-time raid leaked out.
From one of his homes also in Florida, where he is busy designing a new golf course in Natal, South Africa, Jack Nicklaus said he was shocked and dismayed and the greatest golfer of all time.
"I knew it just had to be suss Tiger winning all those grand slams so young," Nicklaus said. "I knew it was impossible that anyone would ever come along that was anywhere near as good as me.
"But no one believed me. For years now, it's been Tiger this and Tiger that. I'm just glad that the truth is out and I am the undisputed greatest golfer of all time."
The sporting giant Nike, which has outlayed many millions of dollars for the privilege of putting its famous swoosh on Woods's balls, was late last night sticking by their most famous product endorsee.
"We've put a lot of money where Tiger's balls are, so let's just see how this pans out," a spokesperson said. "We're not going to wash out hands of Tiger's balls just because of one unconfirmed report. We're confident Tiger's balls are clean."
Tiger's proud dad, Earl, who saw his son's potential as a toddler and has overseen his meteoric rise in the game, summed up the drug allegations in one word: "Balls!"