Exposure scandal robs tyro of Test spot

One of the rising young stars of the Brisbane Bolts has been dropped from the JDG’s international side for refusing to expose himself to overseas tourists during a drunken spree in Sydney.

The JDG was last night forced into a humiliating public admission that it had knowingly lied about the reasons for Jason “Maggot” O’Hearn’s dismissal from the 1999 Australian Axes touring team.
The dropping of 21-year-old O’Hearn – once touted as a future Bolts captain – has opened the way for the inclusion of Ray “Toolie” Growler in the team to play New Zealand this weekend.
In a prepared statement, JDG chief executive, Warren Cistern, admitted he had authorised an earlier explanation which stated O’Hearn had been dropped because of a self-inflicted groin strain.
“I regretfully acknowledge that my earlier statement did not fully explain the reasons for Jason O’Hearn’s dismissal,” Cistern’s statement said.
“But, the original reason was given to help protect a sensitive young man who is having some difficulty coping with the ever-increasing pressures being placed on our players.
“It is regrettable that Jason did not see fit to behave in a manner acceptable to the team management in the first place.
“He knew full well, from when he accompanied the Axes on previous tours as deputy autopsy clerk, that riotous, unseemly, disgusting and sometimes life-threatening behavior is demanded from all players in the lead-up to such an important match.
“He chose not to meet the standards we have set and has paid the price.”
The Bug understands O’Hearn refused to comply with a request by national coach, Jack Saunders, to join other team members in a naked “elephant walk” through a retreat by a group of Irish nuns being held at a Coogee hotel last weekend.
Saunders – also head coach of the Brisbane Bolts – dismissed criticism of O’Hearn’s sacking and defended his training methods.
“It’s just a bit of good natured horseplay. The blokes were just letting off a bit of steam,” he said.
“I always make them do the old ‘tackle grab’ in a conga line at every international training camp.
“It helps build team spirit. Everyone else joined in, but Maggot didn’t.
“If I’m to retain the respect of my players, I can’t have any one of them questioning my authority in such a blatant manner.”
Several Axes players, who refused to disclose their current identities, claimed O’Hearn had given no signs that he was prepared to rebel against the team’s coaching methods.
“Maggot was right into it,” said one, “he’d taken part in the traditional training camp vomiting competition at the Coogee cemetery and had eaten a wheelie bin full of vindaloo in preparation for the Jackson Brown Pollock contest later that night.
“But when it came to getting the togs off, he just refused. I think it might have something to do with being embarrassed over the state of his genitalia.”
When asked to clarify the remark and whether O’Hearn’s nickname of “Maggot” was a pointer to the dimensions of his appendage, the anonymous player replied: “Fuck no, he’s hung like a fire truck.
“He got his nickname because he never washes it.”