WHAT’S EATING COLSTON?

Opinions vary about the nature and extent of Senator Colston’s illness among medical and political observers.
A Canberra-based press gallery journalist – who did not wish to be identified – says he is in no doubt about the Senator’s condition.
“I’ve always regarded him as malignant,” the senior reporter says.
“His medical team says he is now spending long periods of the day sleeping, his concentration is impaired and he needs help dressing.
“So, what’s new?”
But, The Bug’s resident medical adviser, Dr Dick, believes a successful plea by Colston to have charges against him dropped could lead to his full recovery.
“There is a little known condition called litigious recuperatus,” Dr Dick explains.
“In simple terms, it means the withdrawal of legal action against a prominent citizen can lead to a rapid, sometime miraculous recovery in their health.
“I guess the best known case was Christopher Skase. When he faced the possibility of being extradited back to Australia to face his creditors he was extremely ill. We all remember the wheelchair and oxygen mask.
“But now the threat has lessened, I understand he’s been out training for the up-coming Majorcan Triathlon.
“Similarly, Alan Bond shambled into court a few years ago with his legal and medical team claiming he was in deep depression and wasn’t responsible enough to face charges.
“Yet once he was locked up, his condition changed overnight. He’s now bright as a button and has reportedly masterminded an offshore lease-back deal under which the prison farm where he’s serving his sentence will revert to his family trust upon his release.
“Here in Queensland about 10 to 12 years back, a woman prominent in National Party circles claimed she shouldn’t go to jail for fraud because of her life-threatening asthma.
“Yet she’s still alive and kicking – literally. It really is a miracle.
“There is obviously a strong connection between these pleas for dismissal and fraud,” Dr Dick says.