Well, the fourth most-hyped movie of the year is about to unfold before
our very eyes.
If Star Wars, The Phantom Meandering, Thighs Wide Shut and The
Blair Witch Defect weren't all bad enough, now we have to suffer through
The Brett Lee Story.
For any sports fan who may have been in a festive season stupor for the
past few weeks, Brett Lee is the NSW speedster whom the media has hyped
to superstar status – and the fastest bowler in the world – courtesy
of a couple of good returns against the hapless Indians and the cellar-dwelling
West Australians.
Faster, even, then Shoaib Akhtar, who, by the way, is still refusing to
leave the safety of his plane at Karachi Airport after his recent performances
here.
Believe the media and not only will Mr Lee be wearing the baggy green come
Boxing Day morning in Melbourne, but by mid-afternoon two or three Indian
batsmen and Adam Gilchrist are likely to be in hospital with serious abdominal
injuries, and Mr Lee will have become the first Test bowler in history to
take a hat-trick with his first three deliveries at the elite level of the
game.
This mercurial rise to the ranks of the all-time greats of world cricket
has happened so fast, you'd forgive the lanky blond New South Welshman for
being a little dazed by his selection and the accolades being heaped on
his scrawny shoulders.
But he shouldn't be. He's got everything a young cricketer needs to stake
a long and successful career at Test level – he's from New South Wales!
It seems just a few short weeks ago that Lee was regarded as easily the
best bowler in the four-day game against Queensland – for NSW, that
is.
Serious judges rated his performance behind the Queensland pace trio of
Kasprowicz, Dale and Bichel. Or was Muller in there somewhere too? Muller
who?
And, to be fair, Brett Lee is doing really, really well in the first class
bowling averages this summer.
As at December 21, he had 31 wickets at the exceptionally healthy average
of just under 23.
By the way, that puts him a solid 10th on the strike list, a mere eight
behind Queensland's Michael Kasprowicz with 23 wickets at 17 – six
runs a wicket cheaper than Lee.
Remember Kasprowicz?
Took seven wickets on his Test recall in Perth. Bowled a bad spell in Adelaide;
followed it up with a fiery spell where one or two gloved behind decisions
might easily have gone his way. Didn't get a chance at the tail and went
wicketless.
Not a bad cricketer by all accounts. Topped the Shield tally for a couple
of seasons.
And apparently his last 15 Test wickets have been at a very competitive
28 or so; some of the great Test bowlers over the years toiled long and
hard to garner that sort of average. Only the freaks and the greats get
down to the low 20s.
No, Kasprowicz has got a lot going for him. Except one thing: he doesn't
come from NSW.
It's a funny game, cricket, is it not?
A bowler can have one indifferent game and he's gone. Specially if he doesn't
come from NSW.
A batsman can have a real horror stretch that stretches and stretches, –
a bit like his girth, really – but he clings on, especially if he's
got that one trait that all great Test players needs - he comes from NSW.
Being national captain probably helps too.
And so it has come to pass that a Test captain, who comes from NSW, has
urged the selectors to give one of his struggling batsmen another chance,
arguing that his axing would be wrong anyway because it's a rampaging Test
side with five straight wins under its belt and you never, ever, tamper
with a winning Test side, especially when it's chokas with men from NSW.
And the selectors heed that call and stick with their out of form batsman
- especially since he's from NSW. Being the national captain's brother probably
doesn't do any harm, either.
But, says the current Test captain from NSW to the selectors who may or
may not be from NSW, if you're going to make one small change to a winning
Test line-up, it's crucial that you bring in Brett Lee because he's fast.
And, well, because he's from NSW.
Now a little birdie has told me that Mr Lee is yet to take a five-wicket
haul in Shield or Pura Milk Cup cricket.
The Bug's non-existent library makes it impossible to verify that
point, but if true, it is indeed represents a mercurial rise to Test level.
It would be the equivalent of a specialist batsman being given a Test berth
without a Shield/Cup 50 to his name.
It also shows how times have changed: poor old Greg Chappell played 1432
Shield matches over nearly two decades with 101 tons before he was selected
for his first Test. Then again, he wasn't from New South Wales.
But Brett Lee is.
So we forget Kasper's seven-for just two Tests ago. We ignore his 21 not
out in quick time that helped Australia declare at the Oval in time to knock
over the Indians.
We ignore that his recent averages suggest he's on the improve. We ignore
his many years of apprenticeship.
So that, come Boxing Day, the media feeding frenzy can be proved correct
and Brett Lee will debut on a bowler friendly pitch at the MCG because he's
from NSW - and Michael Kasprowicz will be carrying the drinks, because he's
from Queensland.
And if Lee doesn't make a breakthrough in his first spells – and former
Aussie speedster Geoff Lawson made the point the other day that until very
recently, Lee in some 14 first-class matches had not taken a wicket in his
opening spell (as Richie would say, a very powerful condemnation, that!)
– is there any cricket fan out there who doesn't believe Lee will get
more than his fair share of deliveries at the rabbits. Why? Because he's
from NSW (unlike Mr Lawson, who has since been asked to leave).
Boxing Day will also be the first time since about 1983 that a Queenslander
will not be in the startling 11.
When you consider that the Bulls have won two Shields over recent years,
been runner-ups as well and look set to slurp from the Pura Milk Cup next
March, you really got to wonder why Queensland can't get a player in the
national starting 11.
But we all know the reason, don't we?
BECAUSE ....
And all together now.....
.... THEY'RE NOT FROM NSW.
Postscript: if Australia has won its last five Tests by such large
margins anyway; if we now have a specialist batsman as 'keeper; if Shane
Warne is going through a purple patch with the willow; if Melbourne is supposed
to be bowler-friendly; if the Indian bats are as shell-shocked as our media
tells us they are; if rain threatens to curtail play any way, making a result
all the more unlikely; THEN ... wait for it, why not play both Kasprowicz
(who can bat) AND Lee (who might be able to bowl) and make
Mark Waugh 12th man, seeing everyone knows he'll be lucky to snick his way
to 20 in either innings?
The answer is No, we can't! And why?
Altogether now.....
BECAUSE MARK'S FROM NSW!
