Shield shunted sideways to suck up to sponsor!

The Bug was never going to take this Pura Milk Cup business lying down.
While Queensland Newspapers lives in the past and shields itself from reality (see separate article, this edition), we cricket tragics at Australia's No 1 family sports netzine sat down and worked out how to thwart the ongoing commercialisation of the only game they play in summer.
Unlike the powers-that-be up at QN who probably think that bowling a maiden over has something to do with the fresh intake of first-year cadets, we at The Bug cut our feet on The Hill at the Gabba, literally, in the days when you could throw beer bottles from the top of the Hill into the 44 gallon drums placed down near the concrete path by the fence for our amusement. And you all know what bad aim boys have!
We sat on The Hill year in and melanoma out and can remember every Shield hundred the mighty Greg Chappell scored for his adopted state.
Okay, so we can remember the first 13 or so runs the mighty Greg Chappell scored in each innings for his adopted state.
And those classic catches over the years. We remember them all!
Okay, at least the ones that were taken before 11.25am. Shit, it was hot up on The Hill in those days when you could drink super from a legally imported long-neck.
Ah, The Hill!
Didn't that fall by the wayside in search of the almighty corporate dollar? Just to enable the likes of our friends up at Queensland Newspapers to pretend to watch the Maroons being beaten year in and year out from the comfort of their corporate boxes, even if they don't know a silly point from a full point?
And now they've bulldozed the Shield as well. The Pura Milk Cup indeed. Hurrumph!
So we sat down and said: "How can we get Pura Milk to pull out of the cricket so we can revert to Sheffield's ugly and battered, moth- eaten, blue and silver contraption?" Well, one of us did.
Burning down all their dairy factories was certainly one opinion canvassed but quickly discarded. Pura Milk's big business and it'd cost us too much to get around the country to torch all their plants.
Then, one of us had a brainwave.
"Pura's only in this 'cos they'll get a lot of free plugs through their sponsorship, right?" he asked and the rest of us nodded.
"Take away all their free plugs," he mused, "and they'll pull up stumps faster than Slammin' Sammy scored a shield hundred."
That got us to thinking.
There will come a time when Queensland Newspaper will be the beneficiary of the milk of human kindness from Pura – in the form of advertising dollars and lots of them – and the hack subs at the Curious and Sunday Snails are going to be awash with corny headings about the Milk Cup and its sponsor.
If we could stop that subs from writing those headings, Pura would disappear faster than a Greg Matthews long-hop to Allan Border. Yeah! Yeah!
And so, unlike Queensland Newspapers who have well and truly spat the dummy because someone forgot to put milk on it, we at The Bug have put our money where our heart is.
Over recent weeks, we have registered with Australian Business Names and the Trademarks Office as many of the horrendous puns and other pathetic plays on words that brain-damaged newspaper hacks in the years to come will use for Pura Milk Cup game reports.
We've combined them with every possible state side name, nickname and abbreviation and, quite frankly, it's cost us a bundle.
Here's just some of them......

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And we are constantly adding others – we registered "Vics fail udderly" just this morning – to ensure the Pura Milk Cup is likely to be around about as long as Mark Waugh!
By taking this action, your No 1 family sports netzine has ensured that Pura Milk will quickly get the hint and our beloved, and historic, Sheffield Shield will be back faster than Crash Craddock resorts to a mixed metaphor.