Dear Doctor Dick,
Abo dicks bigger ??
EH
September 25.
Doctor Dick replies: Presumably. They're black, aren't they?
Dear Doctor Dick,
It burns when I itercores. What should I do? Your friend INC.
LM
October 18
Doctor Dick replies: I don't know what you should do but the first thing I did was go to a medical dictionary and look up the word, itercores, without success. I think, to be on the safe side, it might be best if you stopped itercorising immediately.
Dear Doctor Dick,
I was stopped in Herston Road at the lights near Royal Brisbane Hospital
the other day when I noticed, via my rear vision mirror, a slice of real
life unfolding in the stationary car behind me. The couple had unusual smiles
and the male driver was nodding to his lap. His companion undid her seat
belt and then disappeared from view. Such was the fun they were having that,
after the lights changed and I turned right into Bowen Bridge Road, their
car remained at the lights and did not move off until someone else beeped
their own horn, so to speak. When the couple's car finally caught up behind
me, I couldn't help but stick my right arm out the window and give them
a big thumbs up. It kinda made my day and I wanted to let them know that.
But now I'm thinking: perhaps my spontaneous gesture caused them unnecessary
embarrassment? Did I do the right thing under the circumstances?
DL
October 8
Doctor Dick replies: You absolute idiot! Do you know how hard it is to get women to do that in the first place, even in the sanctity of a bedroom?
Dear Doctor Dick,
An Aussie I just met in an online chatroom, one Joe Bloggs, has promised
to set me up with what he insists is the epitome of Oz womanhood. We don’t
get many Australian girls here in New Jersey, so I am hoping you can give
me some advice on how to get to first base with her as the only experience
I have had with Oz females was two years ago when a shipmate of mine smuggled
one aboard after a liberty in Sydney. Although she was lovely I am willing
to bet that mechanical Love ‘Roos named Skippy have little in common
with your typical Aussie Babe. So Doc, what’s your prescription for
seduction? Will I have to spend more than $10 when dating Australian chicks?
And is this Dame Edna babe I am being set up with an actual television star
way Down Under?
Your Garden State pal.
Jersey Mike
October 2
Dr Dick replies: You poor thing, never having enjoyed the fruits of Australian womanhood – and never likely to do so. I can only pity you. Unfortunately for you – although very understandably – Australian women will only ever be seduced by fair dinkum, true blue Aussie men. Ask any Australian "sheila" – that's a common term of endearment we apply to our little womenfolk – and she will freely admit that Aussie blokes are the world’s best in and out of bed. So, although you may have the chance to wine and dine this Edna person, it is highly unlikely she will have any desire whatsoever to invite you Down Under, so to speak. As for the $10 limit on entertainment you mention, it sounds a little high to me given current exchange rates, and especially as dinky-di Australian women always insist on paying their own way on dates, and will often pay your way as well. Sorry.
Dear Doctor Dick,
We love to fuck day or nite here in Florida USA. Day or nite and 74 years
old - still doing the same old thing with my woman (who) is 83 years old.
Going strong!
migdol
October 19
Dr Dick replies: I refuse to be drawn into providing endorsements based on thinly veiled efforts by major drug companies to promote new sexual performance enhancing products. For your information, I have already secured adequate supplies of Migdol for my clinic through my own reputable drug company representatives here in Australia.
Dear Doctor Dick,
Whenever I make love to my girlfriend, she just lies there appearing dazed
and staring into the distance. Is there anything I can do?
Un-engaged
October 29
Dr Dick replies: See if it's possible for her to enrol in the same course at the University of Technology.
Dear Doctor Dick,
My penis is small and I cannot get it in my girlfriend’s cunt. Help!
DL
October 8
Dr Dick replies: Without the benefit of an accompanying photograph, I can only conclude you and your partner are confronting one of two possible problems. First, your girlfriend’s vagina – sorry to use technical terms – is even smaller than the diameter of your penis. Or, second, her opening is so large that attempting to have sex is like throwing a sausage up an alley – if you know what I mean. In either case, it sounds to me as if you really aren’t the one with the problem.
Dear Doctor Dick,
I hope you can help me out on this. I used to be with this one guy for two
years, but we broke up about six months ago. I still haven’t been able
to find that “certain someone” but I am finding myself becoming
more and more horny. Is this normal? Also, what would be the best thing
to do about this situation? Thanks.
WK
September 7
Dr Dick replies: The game of love is such a hit-and-miss affair. Who knows if the one we are with at any given time in our lives is really the right one for us? Who really knows the whereabouts of that special person who could make our lives complete? There are no guaranteed methods of finding that “certain someone” as you so sweetly put it. But when women like you come to me and describe their heartfelt yearning for intimacy and companionship, I always advise them to hit the town and start fucking as many men as possible. You’re bound to find him sooner or later.
Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick
can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006,
or drop him an e-mail.
