Dear Doctor Dick,
Do Australian men put their women on a pedestal?
Sally
New York
January 15
Doctor Dick replies: If a bedroom's not available, sure.
Dear Doctor Dick,
Is it hard writing your column?
Just wondering
January 9
Doctor Dick replies: I imagine so.
Dear Dr Dick,
I recently visited your forum and saw that someone asked you what jelquing
was and that you didn’t know. If this reaches you, I know what it is
... and what it can do for you!”
MT
November 19
Dr Dick replies: I guess if it does reach me you really do know what it is.
Dear Dr Dick ,
Could you also tell us what the Jojido method of penis enlargement is. I
guess my question is: what are the differences between the Jelq and Jojido
methods of penis enlargement. Thanks.
Beach
November 11
Dr Dick replies: The Jojido method was discovered several centuries ago in Japan largely as an accidental offshoot of the martial arts technique jiu-jitsu. I won’t go into the gory details, suffice to say it involved an illegal grip used by one combatant when throwing his opponent over his shoulder. Kiddies, don’t try it at home!
Dear Dr Dick,
I am a very sexually charged 18 year old female. When I say “very”,
I mean very. I am wondering if there is something wrong with this, or if
it is normal? I know that women aren’t supposed to reach their sexual
peak until 30, but if it is this great now, how will I survive mid-life?
It is getting so bad my boyfriend talks about how horny I am and we only
have sex about three times a day. Help!
California
November 17
Dr Dick replies: I guessed you weren’t an Australian
woman. If you wish to tone down your sexual appetite, I can only suggest
you consider one or both of two sure-fire methods. The first is to undertake
exhaustion therapy. This is a technique used to cure smokers of their evil
habit. In their case, it involves chain smoking around the clock until your
body totally rejects the idea of having nicotine in it at all. Unfortunately,
this method usually results in physical illness, vomiting or diarrhoea as
side-effects. But I am told it works and those who have persisted with it
tell me they cannot stand to even look at a cigarette without feeling queasy.
In your case you should apply the same principle and arrange to have sex
continuously – 24 hours a day until you are heartily sick of it. Naturally,
your current boyfriend may not be able to assist you around the clock. In
which case you will have to engage some very understanding men willing to
have sex with you many, many times. Perhaps your boyfriend could ask some
of his buddies to help out with such a worthy cause. The second option is
replacement therapy. This is far easier, but can be somewhat less successful.
Next time you and your boyfriend are having sex, think about – and
openly discuss – any mundane subject such as household chores, unpaid
bills, or what movies are on television. The aim is to talk and think about
anything but sex - to take your mind off the pleasure of the moment and
focus on things that are extremely boring and definitely unsexy. If it wasn’t
for the fact Australian women have been using this method for years, we
Aussie males would all be as exhausted as your boyfriend. Good luck.
Dear Dr Dick,
I need a new solution for jacking off. I’m seven inches uncut and am
an old jack-offer. I need a new way. Can you help?
LW
November 9
Dr Dick replies: Unfortunately you don’t explain what method you currently use. There are several unusual methods I use, I mean, which patients of mine have told me about. All are fairly self-explanatory. There is the “Tiger Woods” (formerly best known as the Jack Nicklaus but recently renamed by a new generation), the “driving school”, the “tap dancer”, the “fridge magnet” and of course the never-fail “Gone With the Wind”. Try any or all of those and I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself.
Dear Dr Dick,
Doctor, I came across your website and was wondering if you can help me.
I’ve been looking through the net for sites that’ll give you free
penis enlargement tips without pumps or surgery but couldn’t find free
sites. Practically all sites charge for info that should be free. Please
let me know where I can receive info in lengthening and adding girth to
my penis. I know there has to be a website out there that gives this info
for free. Please help, maybe you know these methods. Thanks Doc.
AG
October 30
Dr Dick replies: Yes, I do indeed know these methods. After all, I am a doctor. I agree with you that it is wrong for people to charge for such basic information. Some people have no conscience – trying to take financial advantage of others in need of help or advice. If you make an appointment with me at my surgery I’ll explain all about enlargement techniques.
Dear Doctor Dick,
How do lesbins have sex?
MS
November 1
Dr Dick replies: Your question’s got me licked.
UPDATE:
In the last net edition of The Bug I answered a letter from “Hussy”
seeking advice on how to enter the porn acting/film making industry. Since
responding to Hussy in my column, I have had the good fortune to acquire
as a patient one of Australia’s best-known performers in the adult
video entertainment industry. It would be highly unethical of me to publish
her real name, but her stage name is Clit Eastwood. Some of her more recent
films include A Fistful of Doris, The Bitches of Madison County and In the
Line of Fur. As it happens, she has another appointment soon for a regular
cheque-up and tightening. I plan to pass on Hussy’s details to her
and hopefully another stellar acting career will be born. In the meantime,
if you read this Hussy, perhaps you could make a start by shooting your
own audition tape on a low-cost hand-held video camera. Send me the tape
and I’ll make sure my patient gets a copy.
Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick
can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006,
or drop him an e-mail.
