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Dear Morrie,

I’ve been very concerned at all the hype surrounding the so-called “new millennium” and all the expensive publicly funded celebrations that have been organised.
My concern is based on a couple of basic sticking points.
First, as anyone with any sense should realise, the first day of the year 2000 is not the start of the new millennium.
That happens on 1 January 2001. After all, there was never a year zero, was there?
For example, this decade – the 1990s – actually started in the year 1991, not 1990.
The year 2000 is the tenth year of the decade, not the first of a new one – or indeed the first of the new millennium.
My second point is that we, as Australians, seem to be overlooking a far more significant anniversary - that of our federation in 1901.
Shouldn’t we be spending a bit more time and effort in celebrating that when it arrives?
I’m fearful that by 2001 most Australians will be fed up with the “new millennium” and Olympic Games celebrations to even bother.
Surely, we can’t let that happen.
What can we do, Morrie?

Concerned Citizen
Geelong

Dear Concerned Citizen,

No, we can’t let that happen. I’m with you 125 percent on this one.
I share your worries, in particular your criticism of the massive amounts of money being literally blown up in smoke to celebrate the start of the year 2000.
I read the other day that the fireworks on Sydney Harbour on new year’s even cost New South Wales taxpayers $5million alone – not a bad little earner for those lucky bastards wrapping gunpowder in old newspapers.
Imagine the lunches I could have had on just one of those skyrockets?
I mean, imagine how many poor and undernourished kiddies I could have fed with the cash being forked out just to light up Sydney skies for a few minutes.
I’m with you. I’ve had a gutful of this millennium madness – especially when the government knocked back my plan to register the name “millennium”. All I was trying to do was scrounge a few royalties and put them to good use in some of my extensive – and damned expensive, mind you - charitable pursuits.
I also take your point about the celebration of our federation as a nation.
As luck would have it, I’ve been working on a scheme to allay some of your fears and those of other like-minded, patriotic Aussies.
You’re spot on when you say we should be focussing on some appropriate celebrations to mark the start of our second century as a nation in 2001.
I must admit I was never much of a history buff when I was at school. In fact, I usually faked an asthma attack just to get out of it. Then me and a few mates would meet up for a smoke behind the woodwork shop.
It was something to do with the boring old fuddy-duddy teachers we had at my high school.
But now, I wish I’d paid more attention or gone to at least one lesson because our nation’s history is just so interesting.
I mean, consider Ned Kelly’s shootout at the OK Stockade, or Sir Charles Kingsford Smith Drive’s solo flight from somewhere to Australia, or the courage of those young soldiers who tackled the Kakadu Trail in WWII. And on that subject, you’ve got to admit that any country that names its fighting forces after a biscuit has got a bloody colorful past, hasn’t it.
We deserve to have our ankles beaten with thick sticks if we forget to honour those national achievements in 2001.
All those blokes who sat around a table and thrashed out our federation – like Sir Rachel Griffiths – would all be chucking wheelies in their graves if they thought we didn’t appreciate their efforts.
No, I’m determined to make our Centenary of Federation celebrations in 2001 the biggest and best ever.
But, the big plans I’ve got in my mind will never come to fruition if I can’t lay my hands on sufficient of the folding stuff. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see any half-baked activities that would embarrass our nation on the world stage.
No, to put it bluntly, I need cash and lots of it,
You can help by donating a bit of your hard earned to get the ball rolling. Ask around your family and fellow history buffs to see if they can kick in too.
I’m talking big bikkies here, but I reckon with a pit of push and shove we can collect enough funds to ensure we celebrate in style – Australia deserves no less.
Why not get your cheque book out right now and ask your family and friends to do the same.
Send me a cheque made out to Celebrate Australia’s Second Hundred, and I’ll get things moving my end.
Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.
I’ll be in touch.

Morrie

Morrie Bezzle is chairman of Dinky-Di Fireworks (Cayman Islands) Pty Ltd,
executive director of True Blue Events and Conference Organisers (Vanuatu) NL,
and former executive director of Australia’s Buy-Centenary Ltd (in liquidation).