The bloke's on us!

ANYONE who still thinks that women are the weaker sex should come down to Bezzle Inc for a day and they'll soon change their minds.
Ask any of the office girls to stay back for a few hours and help clear a backlog and you'll be lucky if you don't get your balls chewed off for your trouble.
Offer them a Xmas bonus of a fully paid week's holiday somewhere warm and they're just as likely to whine as to why they can't take their husbands or boyfriends instead.
Women have always been the moody ones, I suppose, but my women staff have certainly become more belligerent in their attitudes, more demanding of promotions and pay rises over recent years. You just can't hold them down like you used to be able to and get away with it.
At the same time, my male executives have, dead set, become more subservient, meeker and more and more worried about their place in society. Put bluntly, their traditional role as family breadwinner is disappearing before their eyes.
Now you don't get as far in business as I have without realising that women deserve to get on top just as much as you do. And there's no doubt that the introduction of the pill - a male invention, I might add - has cast aside the shackles of motherhood and home life for many women now determined to make their own way in what used to be a man's world.
And I accept that there's still a long way for the little womenfolk to go to achieve true equality, in that many of the poorer paid jobs are still mainly the domain of the so-called fairer sex.
But it's also true that women more and more are infiltrating the higher-paid jobs – breaking through the glass table, as it's called. Already, women dominate highly lucrative areas such as television lotto draw and weather presenters and travel show guides. They already dominate the world of prostitution and the vast majority of lap dancers at my business club are women.
But as I've often said to my buddies during a brisk working lunch/dinner/supper at that club, it's not the lower-paid jobs that are disappearing; it's middle management and above that are now expendable. We all agreed that in the decades ahead women may still be in the poorly paid areas but at least they'll have a job and chantalle's definitely got the best tits in here.
I'll give you an example close to home. Just the other day, I had to let go my four most senior office managers in both the company's telephone advertising canvassing and dial a Filipino mail-order bride divisions.
Times are tough at the moment with the 10 percent LSD but it just breaks a CEO's heart to lose fully-trained and loyal staff that have been with the organisation for weeks, knowing full well that their moist and downcast eyes and dropped shoulders show they realise the good times are over and it's back to the half-way house for each and every one of them.
Yet, you try to lay one of the women phone blowers off and all hell breaks loose.
So,what can we do to try to correct the imbalance that's clearly been allowed to develop between the sexes?
The old Morrie put his thinking cap on just the other night in the club's sauna and with the help of a few of my more sensible senior female staff I came up with a beauty – a series of twilight Reclaim the Nighty marches through the major capitals of Australia, and to make it a truly international campaign, similar shows of resolve on the part of the world's suppressed men in world centres such as Amsterdam and Las Vegas. Women will be welcome to line the route and cheer us on, provided they keep their distance and respect our separateness.
Already, I've made a couple of lighting trips to reconnoitre suitable routes, so men, rejoice, we are well and truly on the way back.
Now I know what you're thinking: a great concept like this doesn't come cheaply and you're spot on there. I've already clocked up over 25,000 air miles and a fistful of gorillas in basic expenses and still I've barely scratched the surface.
So to keep the ball rolling, I want each and every one of you to dig deep into those trouser pockets - if you're still wearing the trousers, eh? - and let's regain a semblance of pride in our sex.
Once enough funds are available, I'll be releasing details of the march dates and times and back-up media advertising campaigns. Just make out your cheques to the Campaign Against Sexual Humiliation.
Bugger it, to save your time and mine, why not just make them out to CASH.

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