Naked ambitions exposed

"My goodness me," was my first reaction, I must admit freely, when the editor rang seeking a feature on the changing attitudes over the decades to the issue of s.. .
At first I argued that I didn't really regard s.. as my strong suit, although admittedly, I've seen just about everything a person can see since I began my civil service career just prior to the outbreak of the Second World War.
"That's why I've phoned you, Rufus," the editor barked. "All those years as the country's leading political analyst and strategy adviser working long hours under extremely stressful conditions in the cauldron of federal politics. All of you crammed together in the corridors of power in that old Parliament House especially; the interplays between the sexes must have been explosive."
I told him I'd do my best, as I always have, to present an accurate and impartial view of the subject regardless of any self-confessed doubts as to my expertise.
Now please don't get me wrong here for I can tell you now that I'm no different from any other red-blooded male.
I have been blessed with a lasting and mutually pleasing marriage with the most beautiful woman in the world, my life-long partner Devon.
Nor was anything wrong in the Badinage boudoir, as evidenced by our beautiful bundle of joy, Amgie – now Sister Anjelica Formica – who came into our lives just before the outbreak of hostilities.
I remember vividly the night when Devon and I first discussed whether it would be selfish for someone who worked such long hours and travelled so extensively to consider fatherhood, and without a word, Devon just led me to her bedroom and invited 'her big mail man to make a special delivery to her little red box'.
But afterwards, she looked at me and said softly: "Rufus, you will always be married first and foremost to the civil service and I think you should concentrate on that if it will make me happy."
I've never mentioned this before but that decision was probably for the best anyway, for Devon found s...ual relations to be quite painful.
On that wonderful night, there were tears in her eyes as we made l... and she repeatedly called out the name of our long-term family friend, Leslie. I knew then that the pain must have been excruciating because Devon and Les – that's our pet name for her – had been nursing sisters together in the late 1930s.
Actually I met Les not many months after I'd struck up a friendship with Devon while I was enjoying an after-work Pimms in the Melbourne hotel at which I was staying during a Premiers Conference there.
Devon introduced me to Les, saying she thought that, just perhaps, I was the 'one'. I remember Les just hugged Devon like crazy, looked me up and down affectionately and said with a wry smile, "He'll do."
But I digress.
There is no doubt that the attitude to s.., and the relationships between the s..es has changed dramatically in my time, and I doubt anyone would argue it's been for the better.
If you have any doubts, consider the time I spent as deputy chairman of the Commonwealth Censorship Review Board from 1956 to the early 60s.
Well, some of the obscene magazines we were forced to wade through! With provocative titles such as Man Junior and Adam, they shamelessly exploited the fairer s.. with firstly lifelike sketches and then actual black and white photos of clearly naked figures in the most reclining of poses. At least they had the decency to remove the pubic region by a process called hair-brushing, and a flimsy item of clothing thankfully always covered both nipples.
If those smutty magazines were pedalled by men who had no respect at all for women, what can be said about those who edited these types of magazines by the end of my tenure at the board. In a family newspaper such as this one, I won't even try to describe what they revealed!
Now of course, things are much, much worse, and I feel great shame that Canberra, the city I served so diligently for so long, is now the centre for the production and distribution of hard-core videotapes that depict men and women as nothing more than s...ual animals.
It's one of the reasons that as soon as I retired, Devon and I fled the nation's capital and took out a long-term rental on a quaint little colonial cottage in St Kilda, Melbourne.
I can't believe how friendly and talkative the neighbourhood ladies on the streets are whenever I'm out and about for my daily constitutional.
Devon must like them too, for she's always pestering me about inviting some of them to a threesome.
While I love her dearly, Devon knows full well that because of rather bad arthritis in much of my right knee, it's been some years since I last played golf.

(Memo subs: I'm sorry for using the words nipples and pubic in this article. If you can come up with suitable alternatives I'd be eternally grateful. Yours, RB)

Rufus Badinage MBE, now retired, is one of Australia’s leading
experts on politics and public administration having worked as a
senior bureaucrat for various state and federal governments.