Some of my best players are black but not Anthony Mundine

And the winner of the 1999 Kevin Yoh Yeh/ Maryborough Watchhouse Memorial Medal goes to....the Australian selectors.
In my last column, The Bash correctly stated that Anthony Mundine is God. He is. On the football field.
Off the field, he’s fucked up big-time. For some reason, Mundine seems to think that being the best back in the world should have got him a place in the Australian side.
Buddha, Anthony, don’t you know the game’s run by Rupert Mudrake, not Mother Teresa.
Then Mundine had the hide to call the racist scum within the rugby league ranks racist scum.
Well, they found Big Mal Meninga good enough to play and captain Australia, didn’t they? And he's an Aborigine – of sorts. Maybe not an aborigine of Australia but of somewhere close by to be close enough.
Let The Bash set you straight on that one, Mr Man. About how the white kiddies of Australia showed nothing, but awe, admiration and respect for Meninga.
I was playing in Wide Bay, Meninga’s early stomping ground in the eighties. I was also doing a bit of community service coaching a primary schoool league team.
I won’t go into too much detail of how I got that job. Except to say, that if her mother was 30, mathematically she could have been 16. Besides, what’s a bloke supposed to do - carry around a calculator in his footy shorts.
Anyways, I was doing this alternative coaching program - as an alternative to being banged up in the nick.
The hero of the 10 and 11-year old boys in my side was Mal Meninga. They even had a term of reverence for him.
You know how Wally Lewis was the King and Clive Churchill was The Little Master. Well, Mal Meninga was Smell Me Finger.
So don’t tell us Mr Mundine, that we don’t respect Aboriginal league players.

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IN defending the Mundine no-show, Australian coach, Chris Anderson was reported as saying that the players announced in the team had been unanimous choice of the eight selectors.
Whaddya make of that, true league fans?
Choose from the list below:
A. The pisspot/poofta/bimbo league journos got what Anderson said wrong.
B. Anderson lied through his teeth.
C. Of the eight selectors, Anderson is the only one living.
D. Lachlan Mudrake came into the selector’s room with a photocopied list of the team for all the selectors to nod to.
The Bash leans towards answer D, with the ever-helpful Mudrake clan to the rescue again.

***
Mundine's problem which prevents him making the Australian side is not that he is an egg and spoon, but that he is an uppity coon.
As I touched on in my last column, people hate Mundine, in spite – or maybe partly because of – his incredible athleticism.
You see, true league fans, there are good coons and bad coons and Mundine’s a bad coon.
But, as always, The Bash has the answer. Below is the Bash’s registered, patent-pending 10 point plan to make Anthony Mundine the next Australian captain.
1. From now on, Mundine refuses to be known as The Man. He declares he wants to be called Tony, Tony a modernisation of Jacky Jacky.
2. Mundine gives up the Muslim religion. He admits he forgot about the bit about Ali going to prison and being stripped of his title after converting to the Black Muslim religion.
3. Tony Tony joins an Aboriginal dance troupe. Aboriginal dancers who bung on shows for tourists are good coons.
4. Following Kathy Freeman’s tea commercial, Tony Tony will be seen drinking light beer with any moronic fascist league administrator of the NRL’s choosing.
5. Tony Tony will make guest appearances as host on Channel 7's Getaway, highlighting some excellent tourist packages to Alabama and Georgia. He will then unselfishly donate his pay cheques to the Princess Diana Fund.
6. With the aid of the man who director Cameron Daddo in the Bony television series, Mundine will play the lead roles of two Australian sporting icons in mini-series. They Called Me The Little Master and They Called Me The Don are both expected to be big hits.
7. Tony Tony will personally say sorry to every rugby league player he has made look stupid on the football field. He sets aside a whole week in January to accomplish this task. And seeing it's sometimes difficult to say sorry, he will elict John Howard's help in getting the words just right.
8. Tony Tony will run naked up and down the footpath outside Somerville House at 3pm and get arrested for indecent exposure. He will subsequently mount a High Court challenge to his court conviction, arguing that he was entitled to run naked there because his ancestors had done so for 40,00 years, albeit probably not with an erection. Tony Tony will prove he is a good coon by losing in the High Court. Only bad, uppity coons win court battles at the highest level in the land.
9. Tony Tony will take up painting, and pump out some nice water-colour landscapes where you can hardly see the numbers.
10. Tony Tony will phone Michael Jackson for advice on how to become more acceptable to the Australian selectors. Over the following months and courtesy of a series of painful and very expensive injections, he will slowly turn white.
Now that the Bash has sorted that out, I expect the call up from the Reconciliation Council any day now. Then again, maybe not. The Greatest Goose in Australia, Ray "Souths will survive now that people know I support them" Martin is on that Council. They probably wouldn’t want me.
In the meantime, I guess in some small measure I know how dudded Mundine feels.
Remember, Anthony ....errr, I mean Tony Tony ..... the one basic rule of life. Only cream and bastards rise to the top, and both are invariably white.

Copulata,
The Bash