mixedlol

Old soldiers never die. They just turn into blood-thirsty mutant zombies. Say goodbye to your guardian angel and standby for a bloodbath, 'cos coming up next we’ve got....

SKULL CASTLE

MEETING CALLED

Europe, 1976. The human race was about to experience its most horrific threat, a threat so terrifying it has been completely omitted from the history books. A general followed by his two armed offsiders walked along an underground corridor into a briefing room, then sat at a large round black table. He looked around at the twenty or so other military types. Then he addressed a colonel standing by a rolled up display chart. “What’s the situation?”
“The shadow of the devil hangs over Europe,” the colonel said. ”Intelligence operatives report that the devil is about to send his armies of demons to overtake the mortal plain. This is their entry point,” he said rolling down the display chart. “Skull Castle.”
The general looked at the photograph of a large volcano with a skull like castle on the side. Lightning was striking the top of the volcano and a river of lava flowed down and around the castle like a moat.
“Any chance of air attack?” said the general.
“Everything we’ve sent in has been destroyed by protective lightning which strikes all around the castle air space.”
“Ground assault?”
“Out of the question. The craggy mountain is almost unassailable but the molten moat puts paid to any notion of direct assault.”
The general rubbed his forehead. “This sort of situation is always difficult. I can think of only one platoon that could possibly penetrate those defences and destroy that castle.”
The table erupted with dissent. “General, you can’t be serious,” said the colonel. “They will probably join the devil’s armies and take over the world themselves.”
“We have to take that chance,” said the general. “Take me to the cryo-crypt.”

CRYPT VISITED

A woman in a lab coat led the general and his two armed offsiders down subterranean steps along corridors with ceiling lights cased in wire, until they came to an iron door with a skull and crossbones and the word Verbotten! The scientist placed a large iron key into the lock and turning it pushed the door open into the darkness. She activated a light switch.
“Oh, my God,” the General said.
“This room was only found recently,” said the scientist. “They have been down here since the final days of World War 2.”
They looked around at the twelve cryogenic chambers, six along either wall, each with a glass door and an internal light revealing their occupants.
“The Totemkophf,” the scientist continued. “They were the elite fighters of the SS. Hitler froze them in the final days of WW2 thinking that he was going to make a comeback one day and that he might need them.”
“How did the power supply last all this time?” said the general.
“It’s difficult to explain in lay terms,” said the scientist. “Basically it’s a crude but effective form of atomic power.”
“Activate them,” said the general. The scientist walked over to a cobweb covered lever and threw it. The cryo-chambers hummed and sparks flew out of the chambers. The general’s offsiders trained machine guns on the SS. Then the doors opened.

MONSTERS EMERGE

Slowly the evil SS guards stepped out of the chambers. “Welcome, evil SS guards,” the scientist said. “Welcome to the future.”
An astitute judge of character, the general stepped toward the person with the most authoritative mien. “Who are you?” he said.
“Obersturmfuhrer Kurt Steiner, commander of the Totemkophf.”
“You’re a brutal looking thug, Steiner. How’d you get that scar on your face?”
“I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been.”
“And where was that?” said the general. “Russia? Czechoslovakia?”
“Somebody’s wardrobe.”
The evil SS guards had a chuckle. “Silence!” said the general. He glared at Steiner. “Many of your colleagues have been hanged for a fraction of what you did during the war. Well, your era has passed. The old rule of evil, oppression and fear is history and now our governments are in control.”
“Do you have a cigarette?” Steiner said.
“I have come to you with an offer, Steiner,” the red-faced general said. “A chance to redeem yourself in the face of history. We face an even greater threat than your evil regime. The armies of Hell itself. Unfortunately we need you to destroy their entry point into the mortal plain. Skull Castle. If you succeed you will have your freedom and no-one need ever know we found this chamber. Or you can be tried for war crimes. The choice is yours.”
“We will take the mission on one condition,” said Steiner. “You give me a cigarette.”

GUARDS TREK

Commander Steiner smoked as he led the SS guards through the dense European forests. They had raincoats so it started to rain. Then they came to a clearing where the tailings of the volcano had flowed and killed the vegetation. The rain disappeared. It was a desolate landscape and its inhabitants lived elsewhere. The volcano was craggy so they climbed one of the peaks adjacent to the castle and reconnoitred through binoculars. “Intelligence was accurate except it neglected one important detail,” said Steiner. “Take a look, James.”
He handed his binoculars to Hadenfeld, his demolitions expert.
“This is not good,” said Hadenfeld, scanning the fortress. “We may have been able to ford the lava stream, maybe provided a diversion and made a frontal assault. But not when they’re being guarded by troops like these. Gunther?”
Reinhardt took the binoculars. “The zombies of SS troops killed in battle are parading on the courtyard in front of the castle,” he observed. “Their uniforms torn, their hair unkempt, and black holes where their eyes once had been. We can never penetrate their defences. The SS are the ultimate killing machine.”
The situation looked impossiable.
“They may have been unlucky enough to be killed once but they wouldn’t let it happen again,” Steiner said. “I am open for suggestions.”
“If I may borrow the binoculars again,” Hadenfeld said. He looked up above the castle. “Far above the castle the molten stream passes through a ravine. If we could possibly cave in the walls of the ravine a dam could form, then when enough lava has accumulated we could destroy the dam and the castle would be wiped out with a fiery wave of death. With your permission, commander, I would like to explore the ravine and make some calculations.”
“By all means, James,” the commander said.

RAVINE EXPLORED

Hadenfeld and three other SS guards climbed the volcano, surveyed the ravine, made some calculations, then returned to the SS base. “According to my calculations, commander,” Hadenfeld said, “we could time the explosion to correspond with the lightning that regularly strikes the mountain. Then the dam will fill with molten lava. Some demons will notice the flow of lava has stopped and come to investigate. We could be waiting in ambush amid the rocks on either side of the molten river. Then we could attack the demons and detonate the dam wall thus sending a wave of death to engulf Skull Castle.”
“Let’s do it,” Commander Steiner said.
The SS guards scaled the volcano to the ravine. They weren't far away. Far from it. Soon they were placing the charges in the ravine wall. Then they synchronised the explosion with a lightning strike collapsing the walls of the ravine. Next, ever fearful of their explosives being activated by the heat of the accumulating lava, they placed charges in the dam wall before retreating to the rocky terrain around the river to await the demons. Soon a party of ten demons arrived. When they were within range the commander ordered to fire! A spectacular display of firepower ensued. Rat-at-ta-tat! From both sides of the dried river bed the SS vented their fury. It was meat, metal, and fire! But the demon zombies wouldn’t die and they started firing back. It wasn’t enough to shoot the zombie demons. They had to shoot off arms, legs, and heads till they could no longer fire a weapon. One of the demons managed to shoot one of the SS on the bank opposite the commander’s. As soon as he fell he turned into a demon and started killing everyone on that side of the river.

HELL UNLEASHED

The SS had a whole new batch of demons to contend with. Steiner watched as they made their way across the dried river. The SS were outnumbered because there were more demons than SS. One of the SS on Steiner's side of the river took a hit and fell. Then to Steiner’s horror the fallen guard stood and fired at him. Steiner rolled away as the demon laughed manically, his eyes rolling in opposite directions in his brainless skull. The demon ran out of ammunition. "We'll catch up with you one day," the demon said, laughing, running off. Steiner turned to Hadenfeld over by the detonation switch. “How much longer till the dam wall fills?” Steiner shouted.
“Just a little more,” Hadenfeld said.
Suddenly Hadenfeld was hit by the oncoming demons. Instinctively Steiner went to his aid but Hadenfeld jumped up and wielded a knife at Steiner. Aggrrraa! He forced Steiner to the ground as Steiner tried to stop the blade’s plunge. It was clear to Steiner that Hadenfeld was trying to kill him.The other SS were too occupied fighting off the attackers to help.Using his pack of cigarettes Steiner fought off Hadenfeld then ran for the detonator, activating the explosion. The lava engulfed the remaining demons in the river and rolled on to the castle sending it tumbling down the volcano. In effect it was destroyed. The SS breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly Hadenfeld came to and charged at the unarmed Steiner. The two surviving SS officers blasted him into oblivion.

SS DEPARTS

“What now?” said Reinhart. “Do we go back to the military command and seek our pardon in writing?”
“Officially we don’t exist,” Steiner said. “I’m sure they’d like to make it unofficial as well.”
“Not to mention the Netherworld,” said Shroder. “Let’s move to another country and become mercenaries. It feels good being busy, killing again. Let’s stay busy.”
“I’m afraid that’s it for me,” said Steiner.
“What? Why?”
“This killing business was my former life. I want to move on. Good people get up and try to make their way in life trying not to hurt anyone. We get up and kill them. I’ve had enough.” Steiner threw his gun into the lava stream. “Are you with me?"
The evil SS whistled, shuffled their feet and looked around at the scenery. "All right. Good luck,” Steiner said, walking off down the volcano.
“So forty years of friendship down the drain, huh?” said Shroeder. “Thanks a lot.”
“How come you hate us so much?"
Steiner walked on alone and sighed. If leaving the SS death squad was his greatest act of strength how come he felt weak and empty? It had been easy being evil and popular, but he had decided to be good and miserable. From that moment on whenever he came across people he was shunned. He couldn’t connect with anyone, couldn’t look people in the eye for fear they would see the evil within him. Soon Steiner realised he was facing the toughest battle of his life. But that's what you get when you leave the ways of evil.