e-mail et al....

Dear Bug Guys,
A friend recently sent me a link for the Sept.23 Bug, which I enjoyed temendously. Could you please send me a link that would provide acess to all future issues of The Bug? I feel Dr.Dick could be of help to quite a few of us New Jerseyans. The rest of your features are interesting too. Please be gracious and send the link, as I also know some Aussies stuck here in Seppo Land and they enjoyed the wit and wisdom of The Bug as well. Thank you.
Jersey Mike

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Dear Editor:
My colleagues, Mark Moyer and Erik Pointer, and I are interested in submitting material on behalf of our friend, the brilliant writer and three-time world-class wind breaking champion Ivan O’Uris. My O’Uris is a famously obscure author on his native island of Luscia (pronounced LUSH — as in “Why don’t you get off your arse and get a job, you drunken ...” and UH — as in “Uh-oh, I’m in big trouble if I can’t retrieve those photos of me fornicating with Spam while dressed in a tutu”). But his work is unknown in other countries. My colleagues and I hope to change that.
Mr. O’Uris would be particularly interested in recalling his tales of taking up Australian rules football since coming to the United States on an extended leave from his homeland. Would you please send us a list of guidelines for submitting material? Also, Mr. O’Uris would like to know if your e-zine pays anything for items, as he’s desperately trying to pay off debts incurred from futile attempts at trying to hustle at chess (we tried to warn him when he said he was playing “some sucker named Kasparov”). We hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Shawn Roney
Moyer-Pointer-Roney

P.S.: Is your name really “Editor”? If so, can we just call you “Ed” for short?

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Editor,
This is a message for Obersturnfuhrer Kurt Steinzenshcwinezenhobpfferrmiester.
You rite funny stuff that almost made me shat. But you shouldn’t be a Nazi because your momma said that’s bad.
“Billy” Eisentrager
October 24

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Dear Buggers,
Thank you again for a devastating and insightful coverage of local, domestic and international affairs.
I was disappointed however that your Bug’s international correspondent failed to cover the events in my home country with any depth or at all. Your support has been noted in our files and come the next revolution when we take over South Timor, we will be calling.
Viva la revolution
Zanana Gushmail
October 26

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Dear Bug,
I was pointed out your web-page by another dubious publication, The Chaser. As a Victorian, I found (it) very novel, and am grateful to be reintroduced to political satire. Not since The Gillies Report have I laughed myself so silly.
I think that the culture of silence in this state means that we in Victoria have seen little satire or dissent over the past eight years or more.
I was wondering if you have any plans to have it distributed in this state? Could I perhaps take out a subscription?
Porphyria
October 6

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Dear MBB,
Having recently returned to university after a 29 year break I was a little disappointed to find it was not the glamorous hotbed of political debate I had always dreamed of when I was up to my armpits in old people’s dung earning my quid as a nurse.
I was Alderman Jim Soorley disapointed to find out having a political debate at university is almost impossible, although I admit I came dangerously close when one of my 18 year old colleagues assured me during a tutorial that poor people were generally happy doing shitty jobs because they didn’t know any better.
If you can’t get permission from Carol to peddle your muck at UQ then I think I speak for all at the QUT student guild, when I invite you to distribute it at the University for the Real World. It may actually stimulate some debate although you would want to make sure you fully reference all your sources if you want to be taken seriously.
I’d also suggest you run a lot of ads for designer clothes and mobile phones if you really want to capture the (minuscule) imagination of myself and all other students at QUT. An article about the relative merits of Vodaphone v Mobile Net should really see some cobblestones being dug up for the throwing.
Joe Kelly
October 4

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Dear Editor,
Apart from the web, where can I get The Bug now that those fuck sticks in the student union have banned it?
If you want a great comparison, get a copy of Semper, the shithouse magazine printed by the student union. It’s a fucking joke and is twice as offensive as The Bug. I’m thinking of dropping out now.
Stephen
October 10

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Dear Mr/s Editor
Your warning (on The Bug's net site) should have a warning. I have just been subjected to some of the most prejudiced, offensive, xenophobic, rascist diatribe that I have ever in all my born days had to experience, when I inadvertently moused the red button your warning in the latest edition of The Bug - BANNED.
You - without warning - sent me to the Pauline Hanson One Nation Home page and, thinking it was genuine Bug satire that I have come to know and love, I read on – to my detriment.
I’m hurt, damaged and suffering early strains of a mild form of intolerance disorder psychosis (IDP). That’s what my psychotherapist said in her report to my solicitor.
You’ll be hearing from them under a separate cover. Be warned.
Perry O’Gorman
October 3

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Dear Ed,
I have never had to read such sycophantic, self-serving, self-promoting, oncology in my life. Why don’t you write about real issues like the republican struggle.
You call yourself a street-rag; more like a shit-rag if you were to ask me. You excrement, you mean low toadies. Your name speaks volumes - Buggers.
Viva la republique!
Mal Turnbuckle
The Resident for President
October 3

PS: Until I see more space allocated to this vital issue, I will never read your Bug-rag again . . . well except for Doctor Dick’s insightful oncology advice passages.

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Ed,
We’re gettin the banned back together.
Elwood Blues

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