So, you've forked out a large amount of cash to come halfway around the world to Oz and enjoy the Olympics. But how to have fun now that you're here? What should you see in the limited time available? And how do you converse with the locals on their terms? The Bug's team of reporters compiled this simple A to Z Guide to ensure you really enjoy your time Down Under.
The Complete A to Z of Sydeney
Aircraft noise: The scourge of the 21st Century and a major headache for residents living in Labor-voting inner-residential areas of the city.
Ackermann, Piers: a newspaper columnist whose constant attacks on tree huggers, Balmain basket weavers and chardonnay socialists brilliantly hides a serious lack of insightful writing talent.
Allen, Col: Editor of the city's leading tabloid newspaper The Daily Telegraph which, like other publications in the News Ltd stable, has discovered that regular stories about teen and pre-teen models boost circulation almost as much as a series on paedophilia.
Anthony, Julie: Like other New Zealanders, she came to Australia and took a job that could have gone to an Aussie. Hers is singing our national anthem at our sporting events.
Archibald Prize: An annual portrait painting prize held in Sydney and being developed as NSW's answer to the Melbourne Cup.
Australians all: Let us rejoice,
Botany Bay: The spot where black-white relations in Australia were first cemented in 1770, when a water-collecting detail from Captain James Cook's Endeavour put some shot above, and then into, a couple of indigenies who had foolishly wandered down the hill to try to collect the local tribe's controversial new Pom Tax.
Bishop, Bronwyn: Our wide, brown land 'boasts' eight of the world's 10 most poisonous vipers, including this loathed, local species for which there is no known antidote.
Blue: An alternate form of Ausie greeting used when you momentarily forget a bloke's name is Mate.
Blue Mountains (1): A popular exotic dancer.
Blue Mountains (2): Just west of the Olympic City, these striking mountain ranges, part of the Great Dividing Range, got the name Blue because they're always so ball-busting cold.
Bondi Beach: That famous, world recognised scalloped piece of overpriced real estate where the beautiful people and Jamie Packer come to be seen and pretend to swim, even if it's only to go through the motions. See Brown Mullet.
Bronze Medal, One: The overall Olympic medal tally that some of the smaller Pacific countries and Great Britain will be striving for.
Brown Mullet: A feared marine predator in Sydney waters, with a bite worse than even than the Great White Shark. Hapless victims have been known to eat a brown mullet whole.
Celebrities: Sydney is blessed with six celebrities who take turns appearing in the social pages of local newspapers. (see separate entries)
Chronic, suicidal depression: What Sydney will suffer from, come September 30, when the rest of the world returns to being completely impervious to it.
Cockroach: New South Wales's official fauna emblem.
Courtney, Bryce: Former Sydney ad man turned author who discovered that giving book buyers a damn good read was the secret to success that had eluded hundreds of failed taxpayer-subsidised writers.
Cabramatta: Aboriginal for "If Rusty doesn't come home by tonight, sweetie, we'll put an ad in the paper, okay?"
Carr, Bob: Premier of New South Wales. Said to be a humourous, bubbly and self-effacing individual in private, Carr for party political purposes disguises these traits exceptionally well in his public persona.
Centrepoint: The city's tallest structure whose view is an absolute must-see if you do not suffer from vertigo, lack of funds or are from Moscow.
Chickarovski, Kerry: Opposition Leader in New South Wales (at time of publication).
Daily Telegraph: One of the city's major morning newspapers and only half as bad as the Sydney Morning Herald because of its tabloid format.
Darling Harbour: The kitch-in sink of Sydney.
Dawn Fraser: Olympic swimmer who won gold medals at three consecutive Games in her favourite event, the 100 metres freestyle – although she didn't mind a breast stroke. See also Celebrities.
Doyle's Restaurant: A popular place to be seen harbourside. It also serves food.
Done, Ken: One of the city's most celebrated artists, regarded by many as Brett Whiteley without talent. You'd be an absolute fool to leave the country without not buying one of his gaudily coloured T-shirt or beer coaster designs.
Double Pay: One of the city's upper-class residential areas.
Eastern Distributor: A roadway that has been successful in distributing traffic along its entire length.
Eastern Suburbs, The: Where the capital of Australia is kept.
El Alamein Fountain: Built in honour of our fighting forces who died in battle in the African conflict during Word War II. Situated in the middle of Kings Cross. Christ knows why.
Farnham, John: A singer who's totally deserved the very little success he's enjoyed outside Australia. His role in the Olympic opening ceremony is unlikely to change that.
Finger-webbed spider: An exceptionally venonous Australian arachnid that can prove fatal if it bites you on the funnel. (okay, so it's an old joke. You want to sit here instead and make up this shit?)
Flame, The Olympic: A futuristic looking device by which hundreds of decaying and forgotten Australian provincial and rural towns were momentarily conned into thinking anyone cared about them or their future.
For we are: Young and free. We've golden soil and wealth for toil, our home is.
Girt: By sea. Our land abounds in nature's gifts, of beauty rich and rare.
Genghis Khan: Historical warlord remembered for being to the left of Piers Akermann.
Graham Murphy: An arty type fond of dancing. See also Celebrities.
Glitterati: See Celebrities.
Hansen, Pauline: No, not the Prime Minister - but you're close.
Harbour Bridge: It is now possible to walk along the huge steel arch of this massive structure - an advantage during peak hours.
Hawke, Robert (Bob): Retired Sydney resident who once worked Canberra. Whenever he sticks his head up nowadays, people tend to blanche.
Henderson, Brian: Television newsreader who started his career in the 1950s and has since dyed. Still reads the Channel 9 nightly news at 6pm courtesy of state-of-the-art animatronics and the latest in cadaver cosmetics.
In history's page: Let every stage Advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains: Then let us sing, "Advance Australia fair!"
Jones, Alan: A gifted Sydney communicator and motivator whose oral skills make him capable of seeking out any vacancy in the world and ending up with the head job.
Jones, Kerry: The nation's most outspoken supporter of an Australian republic, but only if it's the direct-election model.
Kerrypacker: Aboriginal for goanna. Coincidently, also the name of one of Australia's greatest philanthropists and media barons who has selflessly donated many hundreds of millions of dollars over the years to his favourite charity, Les Casinos du Monde.
Kings Cross: A seedy all-hours entertainment precinct where the trade in illicit drugs has been centralised so the NSW Police Force can control it.
Laws, John: Long-serving public relations manager for Toyota Australia, if you know what I mean. May soon be doing most of his work via a cellular phone.
Littlejohhnyhoward: Aboriginal for female genitalia.
