Dear Morrie,

As a Sydney resident I’m a little put out at seeing my taxes being poured into preparations for staging the 2000 Olympic Games, but receiving little or nothing in return.
Admittedly, the Games hold the possibility of being a great boost for our city, but will average taxpayers like me get anything from them?
I think not.
I sat down the other night and tried to work out just how much householders like me have contributed to the Games, in terms of building venues, upgrading roads and transport and providing all the other services and facilities for visiting competitors, officials and the international media.
I gave up because I realised the answer would be too frightening.
My point is that while people like me have already opened our wallets just to stage the Games, if we want to actually take part in them as spectators, we have to pay out all over again - to buy tickets to witness any of our the sporting heroes in action, or attend any of the Olympic-related cultural events.
That’s why, over the past few months, I have attempted to think of ways of recouping just a little of what the government has outlaid on my behalf for the Games.
But, I just can’t think of anything and time is running out.
You are my last best hope Morrie. Do you have any ideas?

Frustrated
Maroubra

Dear Frustrated,
You are a man (or woman) after my own heart.
Readers of my column will know that I too have tried to find ways of allowing all Australians to share in the Olympic bounty that will be delivered to our great nation the moment the cauldron is lit at Homebush.
But, my ideas have all been squashed like a bug under the jackboot heel of SOCOG and its heavy-handed licensing deals, exclusive merchandising arrangements and other irrational rules and red tape.
But, you – and those like you – are in luck.
After much thought and, I might add, not an inconsiderable amount of research, I have struck upon what I think is a sure-fire way for average Sydneysiders to actually make some money out of the Games.
It is fairly simple and totally legal - unless SOCOG gets its puppets in the New South Wales government to whiz through retrospective laws in the next few days.
The idea came to me one night last week as I was reversing the Caprice out of a near-city motel after attending a tax deductible stress management seminar put on by a charming young blonde woman I’d met at my club a few hours before.
There on the motel’s sign, in flashing neon lights under the hourly rate, were the magic words “No Vacancy”. Admittedly, they pretty soon turned to a single word “Vacancy” when Desiree returned from settling the bill.
In any event, it struck me that that place – like most motels or other short-term accommodation houses – aren’t afraid to advertise, and advertise boldly, to their potential customers right on their doorstep.
As I spun the Caprice around, I thought to myself that eggheads with marketing degrees would call that approach “point of sale” advertising or something equally clinical.
I thought a far better description would be “shoving it in people’s faces” – very apt when you think of what Desiree and I had been up to.
It wasn’t long before the old Morrie’s mind had fashioned a plan to let average Aussie battlers like you secure a slice of the Olympic action.
You see it’s perfectly legal if you’ve got a spare room in your house to rent it out.
Who cares if, by some co-incidence, the person you take in only stays for the duration of the Games? You just pocket the rent and ask no questions.
You won’t even have to declare it to the Australia Tax Office – how are they to know who’s staying under your roof?
If anyone asks, you’ve got some friends from Cameroon who’ve just flown in.
Of course, there are some other, trickier questions that could get thrown your way if the tax man decides to put you under the lights and host a game of Who Wants to Make Me a Millionaire.
So I’ve assembled a bit of a kit for people like you wanting to make – no, recoup - a few quid during the Olympics.
The kit comes in a couple of parts and I’ll send you the first installment as soon as I get a cheque for $3,000 from you or any reader wanting to strike gold, gold, gold during the Games.
The first part includes the most important element – the advertising sign for your front yard or window inviting visitors to stay at your place.
It’s simple and direct – just four little words that are the key to your Olympic success.
It’s important you get this sign up and start attracting paying customers, that’s why I’ll send it first with the rest of the instructions, business plan, answers for the tax man, and testimonials to follow.
So if you want to break records making money, get out of the blocks now.
Sign up for your kit and get your sign up for success.
Send me a cheque made out to Come And Stay Here and I’ll soon get things moving at my end.
Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.
I’ll be in touch.

Morrie

Morrie Bezzle is chairman of Hillton Hotels International (in liquidation),
executive director of the Dig Inn DIY Motel, Coober Pedy, and a director of
No Worries Weekenders (formerly Budget Shipping Container Hire Pty Ltd).

The publisher and staff of The Bug take no responsibility for the advice provided in this column.