Chopper (R)
Director: Andrew Dominik
Bug rating: 3 out of 5

If nothing else, there are two things you can take out of Chopper.
The first is that there is no such thing as ‘killed instantly’, no matter how many times the poor unfortunate victim is shot or stabbed. Or where, for that matter.
The second is that the nice, neat, sanitised wounds in recent Hollywood flicks are also fiction. When guys are shot or stabbed, blood spreads all over the place.
Yes, Chopper is a violent, graphic movie with liberal dashings of blood spurting everywhere.
It is more than that, fortunately, thanks almost solely to the very impressive performance of former Full Frontal star Eric Bana.
Just quickly, for those of you who have been hiding under a rock for the past few years, Mark Chopper Read is one of Australia’s most notorious crims, a man who has managed the rare double of killing people and becoming one of Australia’s top selling authors.
Apparently, he is now ‘straight’ and is living on a farm in Tasmania with a wife and children.
And now he has a movie in his name. Lord may not even know what this will do to his ego.
Bana is the whole movie here. He plays Chopper to the hilt, using his uncanny ability to copy to get the character almost perfectly, right down to the goofy laugh.
Essentially the film, written and directed by Andrew Dominik, charts a period of Chopper’s life, from his time in prison (at least two nearly unwatchable scenes in this part)for attempting to kidnap a judge during court, as you do, to his release when he finds the Melbourne underworld not as friendly as he remembered.
And then he ends up back in prison again.
Much like the man, Chopper the film is seriously flawed. There is scant character development, with the possible exception of Jimmy Laughlin (Simon Lyndon), Chopper’s prison friend who tries to kill him. The structure of the film does move fast and it is easy to miss something, so pay attention.
Yet, somehow, despite these large holes, Chopper is a good flick.
At times it has savagely funny black humour, coupled with inventive directorial work (watch for a scene when Chopper ingests some speed). Plus it has more Australian slang and cliches than you could chuck in an outdoor dunny, which sadly caused ripples of laughter through the preview audience - how about national pride, folks!
Just like the man, Chopper the film is rough, uneven and far from perfect but it has a character about it that a part of most people will find appealing. Much, this reviewer suspects, like why people actually like this man, buy his books and now will see his movie.
And by the way, there is a third thing you can take out of Chopper - you will value your ears more. A lot more.

-Michael Gordon-Brown

Road Trip (MA)
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: three bugs out of 5.

In the finest traditions of Animal House and American Pie, comes another movie about good looking Yank college goers looking for sex and parties.
This one is probably better than most of them - the cast is young and bright, the plot is actually somewhat feasible (not really) and there are plenty of gags to keep the pace moving along at a nice speed.
The only problem really is unoriginality - it has been done before. Countless times, in fact, in various forms that appear different but are really all based on the same premise.
Something happens, college guys band together and for one a reason or another they have to go somewhere or do something. In this case, that something is a “Road Trip”, apparently one of the great American uni traditions.
The movie starts off with a college tour being led by Barry (Tom Green) and he regals the prospective Ithaca University attendees and their parents with the tale of the Road Trip.
This time around, Josh (Breckin Meyer, Go and 54 most recently) engages in a night and morning of steamy infedility with Beth (Amy Smart) which would normally be a good thing, except for the fact he is already spoken for, by childhood (as in since they were born) sweetheart Tiffany (Rachel Blanchard).
Even that would be ok, at least in terms of not getting caught, except he videotaped his escapades and that tape is sent to Tiffany, who is 1800 miles away at Vetinary School in Austin Texas.
So what do you do? Could you possibly ring someone up and try to stop the tape from arriving?
Of course not. You get your buddies together for the “Road Trip” in a race against time to intercept the package before Tiffany views it. In this case, those buddies are suave E.L. (Seann William Scott, last seen in American Pie), pot head genius Rubin (Paulo Costanzo, in a rather impressive debut) and there is also nerdy Kyle (D.J. Quallis, also pretty impressive on debut) who happens to own the car because, obviously, a road trip would be quite difficult without wheels.
Along the way, there are a number of interesting encounters such as stopping at an all-black fraternity party in Tennessee, trying to jump a collapsed bridge in Kyle’s car and a waiter whose personal hygeine is non-existant.
Meanwhile, back on campus, is other buddy Barry who is absolutely determined to see Josh’s pet snake devour one of the poor unfortunate mice whose purpose in life is to become snake food.
When it is all over, the end result is, as expected, an enjoyable and at times very funny movie, which is also rather raunchy in parts. It has an above average plot (not only for this type of movie but probably for the vast majority of recent Hollywood dramas).
Production wise, it is also in good hands. Director Tom Phillips (yet another debutant) keeps things lively while Executive Producer is Ivan Reitman, who was in charge of National Lampoon’s Animal House, largely responsible for informing the public about the road trip, as well as toga parties. Great shame, that.
The biggest problem is unoriginality - there are parties, breasts, the nerd becomes the coolest guy on campus. It has all been done before, in one form or another.
At least in this case, there is an interesting reason for embarking on the road trip. It also has Green, a controversial American comic with his own talk show that consists of an hour or so of embarrasing members of the public and jokes about bodily functions. This reviewer suspects Green is very much the drawcard of this movie, but you will either like his rather unique style or hate it.
As an added plus, it also poses some interesting, deep and meaningfulquestions about cheating. Such as, is it cheating when the said cheating takes place in a different area code? Or what if you are too drunk to remember, did it not take place? To find the answers, you will have to take the Road Trip.

-Michael Gordon-Brown

Rules of Engagement
Director: William Friedkin
Rating: Three bugs out of 5.

If you can get past the awful, awful blurb on the front of the media kit for Rules of Engagement, it is a pretty good movie.
“A hero should never have to stand alone” - diabolical isn’t it? One can only hope that it hasn’t been used in mainstream cinema for this routine, though still solidly performed, courtroom military drama.
It is in the same mode as A Few Good Man, a movie which has remained a mystery at least to this reviewer - it gained critical and box office success just about everywhere. It is precise, polished and interesting, though there is a sense of uniformity and some of the courtroom scenes are stilted, which is not a good thing for a courtroom drama.
The action centres around a disastrous mission to the US embassy in Yemen, which is under attack by fanatical Yemenese protestors, though it is never really made clear what they are protesting about (probably just the general malfeasons of the good old US of A).
Leading the mission is Colonel Terry Childers (Samuel L. Jackson, going through the motions in this role), a top marine with countless experience in Vietnam, Desert Storm, and so on. Their duty is to evacuate the ambassador (a suitably slimy Ben Kingsely), his wife (Anne Archer) and son.
But everything goes to heck, and as the snipers on the roof and the crowd (featuring women and children) becoming increasingly hostile Childers makes the decision to fire into the crowd, killing 83.
Not smart, because when Childers arrives back in America, he finds himself placed under arrest and sentenced on a number of charges. It all means he has broken the Rules of Engagement.
Instead of getting a crackerjack lawyer, he turns to his friend Colonel Hays Hodges (Tommy Lee Jones, also going through the motions) to help him out. You see, Hodges was serving with Childers in Vietnam and Childers saved his life, so there is a history.
And so the trial begins. For the prosecution, Major Mark Biggs (Australia’s very own Guy Pearce) mounts a strong case as the film comes to the expected conclusion. Why did Biggs even bother? Doesn’t he know how all these movies end?
Seriously though, Rules of Engagement is an interesting and enjoyable movie. It is well photographed, particularly during the opening battle scene and one shot showcasing all the old buildings of Yemen. The script, though no Oscar winner, is adequate and the performances are solid enough to keep the eyes awake.
It is all fairly routine, which is only a slight problem, as most movies are routine. In this case, the courtroom scenes are not really, well, engaging at all. The speeches made by Tommy Lee and Guy are laboured, with Pearce trying way too hard in this movie. Though his character is a vigorous go-getter, so perhaps that is what he was meant to do.
It certainly isn’t overly effective.
And of course it makes the usual morality statements - war is terrible, no winners in war and such and such. It is very simple - you cannot come to a satisfactory conclusion in a movie about the slaughter of women and children. So instead the writers adopt the middle ground - they don’t make Jackson’s character a monster, but they don’t make him a saint either. Which was the smart, perhaps only thing to do.
So after all that, Rules is a decent movie. If the publicity folk had have been able to produce a better blurb, it would have been even better.

-Michael Gordon-Brown

Scary Movie
Director: Keenan Ivory Wayans
Rating: three and a half bugs out of 5.

The long wait for a quality spoof is finally over.
The spoof genre has seemingly been fixed on a downward slide since the Naked Gun and Hot Shots series stopped. Before that, of course, there was Flying High, arguably the grand-daddy of them all. Then for a while, there was only duds.
Loaded Weapon, Robin Hood Men In Tights, Wrongfully Accused - is there a need to say anything more? They just weren’t all that good. It’s that simple.
Now Scary Movie comes along, there is once again hope that the spoof will make a return to where it belongs - the top of the movie chain. Or at least, near the top.
Scary Movie isn’t as good as the first Naked Gun, nor Flying High. But it is damn good. And it is good because it returns to the ideals of what spoofs should be all about - merciless jibes, myriad of sight gags and the old classic, the ongoing joke.
It is a family affair, featuring three of the four Wayans brothers (Damon was missing) in various capacities, which probably helped. Indeed, the Wayanses have tried their hands at spoofs before. Just a few years ago, there was Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, a spoof of black movies like Boyz n the Hood. The only problem with that film was the title, which happened to be the best attribute - that is not a good thing.
Here they score a direct hit. As its title suggests, Scary Movie is a sendup of the floatilla of recent horror flicks - Scream gets the treatment, Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Blair Witch, blah blah blah.
But it doesn’t stop there. It also lampoons The Matrix, The Usual Suspects, The Sixth Sense and even Amistad! Of course, it targets the most obvious scenes in each movie but it does them very well.
There isn’t much story to focus on, though there is always plenty going on. Essentially a killer is on the loose, as the plots of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer are interwound, terrorising dopey Cindy (very impressive newcomer Anna Faris, in her feature debut) and her assortment of wacky friends.
There is Shorty (Marlon Wayans, there’s one down) a buff gridion player who may be gay, glamorous Buffy (Shannon Elizabeth, the Czech exchange student in American Pie) and her tightly wound boyfriend Greg (Lochlyn Munro) and pothead Shorty (Shawn Wayans, two down).
Other great roles go to annoying reporter Gail Hailstorm (Cheri Oteri), Cindy’s drug dealing pa (Rick Ducommun) and the sleazy local sherrif (Kurt Fuller, who always bobs up around the place). Former Baywatch babe Carmen Electra (also used to be married to Dennis Rodman) has great moments at the start of the film as Drew, while Squiggy from Happy Days also features as Principal Squiggy, albeit too briefly.
The actors all have great fun with their roles and the script is sharp (it better have been - six are credited with the screenplay and among that number are Shawn and Marlon. As well as the continuous ongoing spoofing of movies, there is also a liberal dosing of race jokes, not surprising when the Wayanses are often billed as the “Black Baldwins” (Baldwins as in Alec, Billy and so on). The best of these are the black television crew at the media storm following Drew’s murder and the preview for Amistad 2 at the start of a movie watched by the gang. That’s director Keenan Ivory Wayans as the slave (that would be three).
A quick side note, the Director’s Assistant is Craig Wayans. Could it possibly be another one?
Perhaps what makes Scary Movie so enjoyable, however, is its originality. It may very well go down as the only movie in history to feature more male body parts than female. It also bravely broaches the taboo topic of... female flatulence.
It also is extremely gross, and although it pains this reviewer to say this, There’s Something About Mary has been surpassed, though perhaps the zipper scene will never formally be removed from the male psyche.
So do yourself a favour and go see this movie. You shan’t be disappointed.

-Michael Gordon-Brown

Shanghai Noon (PG)
Director: Tom Dey
Bug Rating: 3/5

From the Jackie Chan school of movie making comes this enjoyably politically incorrect romp.
Basically, the Jackie Chan philosophy centres around lots of fast paced kicks, jokes, a story thrown in their somewhere, but that’s incidental, and nice racial tension.
And on this occasion, it works very well. In fact, the film is basically Rush Hour (his last feature) but in a new setting and new time.
Think about it - there’s the flawed and humourous side kick (this time Owen Wilson as the Cowboy you have when you don’t have a cowboy Roy O’Bannon), lots of politically incorrect asian, native American and even a Jewish Joke or two. Oh yeah, cowboy name jokes as well, such as the worth of the name Wyatt Earp and John Wayne. And plenty of eye-popping action as well.
This time around, the action starts off in Imperial China.
Guard Chon Wang (Jackie Chan - say his name out loud, you should get the rather clever gag) is a dedicated, committed young warrior, with an eye firmly for the princess Pei Pei (Lucy Liu of Ally McBeal).
Chon’s peaceful existence is shattered when Pei Pei is kidnapped and taken to America - and, since it is set in the 1800s, to the Wild Wild West. Naturally.
Chon weasels his way in to go with three other guard and his uncle to the West, together with a case full of gold to get the princess back. But, of course, it is not that easy. A botched train robbery provides a rude welcome to Chon and his companions, particularly the uncle, and introduces us to Roy O’Bannon, very well played by Owen Wilson, most recently seen in the diabolical The Haunting who proves the perfect offset to Chan’s martial arts maneouvres.
Chon soon learns his Princess has been reduced to a Slave, working in the mines for entrapeanur exploiter Lo Fong (Roger Yuan) who ‘helps Chinese Americans get back on their feet’ by helping them into back breakinbg labour.
Then the adventures, or misadventures really start.
There are some great scenes, particularly Chon’s encounter with native Americans, which lands him a wife, and a Chinese drinking game.
But seeing Jackie Chan even acting drunk does destroy some of his mythology. It is fun though.
As is the whole movie. The plot certainly won’t place any undue strain on the brain.
First time director Dey handles it very well. The photography is good, Chan’s karate maneouveres amazing and the film clicks along it at a nice pace with the jokes rolling in as fast as a Chan spinning kick to the head.
There is one thing left to be determined - why is it that a film with limited story and racial jokes aplenty can work so well? I guess, sadly, perhaps it is time for political correctness to go the way of the dinosaurs.

-Michael Gordon-Brown