Jim Soorley
Your chances for a third term as Brisbane's Lord Mayor take a dramatic nosedive when Gail Austen withdraws suddenly from the race.

Leo
You ponder if you are properly focused on your life's ambitions after you receive a parcel through the mail and spend the rest of the day bursting each and every individual bubble in the large sheet of bubble rap the contents came in.

Capricorn
You take a taxi ride and are stunned to discover the driver is not on the League of Rights’ mailing list.

Peter Beattie
You finally finish work on your most treasured project to date – the score and book for an energetic and toe-tapping three-hour musical depicting your Premiership years. You ponder if it would be too egotistical to play the lead role once it goes into production.

Sagittarius
With the strength of character for which you are loved and admired, you stoically accept the bad news from your family doctor and wander home to break the news to your spouse that the tests were negative and she’s going to be okay.

Paedophile
Barely five years into your jail sentence, you are delighted to find that your first day-release job is as a groundsman at the nearby creche and kindergarten.

Cancer
You order crabs at your local seafood restaurant and end up scratching your nuts for weeks.

Virgo
Outraged to find that your haemorrhoidal cream is to be hit with the 10 percent GST, you ring your local Member of Parliament day after day and become a real pain in the arse.

Taurus
You finally realise that that wonderful song that was playing in your head for so many weeks was the only truly original and inspirational idea you've ever had, but you've now completely forgotten how the tune went.

Scorpio
You lie awake all night wondering why, in all the times McDonald's has stuffed up your take-away order over the years, it's never been to your advantage.

Gemini
That rust inside your front-seat passenger door is getting worse by the week.

Aries
The world is your oyster, but you're allergic to seafood.

Libra
After a string of business failures, you believe you may have finally found the perfect money-maker with your latest concept, We Drink, You Drive.