Ric's Bar in the Valley has also fielded a number of complaints
threatening its role as a live music venue where up and coming bands have
a chance to wow an audience, get noticed, make a living.
Staff writer Don Gordon-Brown headed down to the Valley hotspot to sound
out what all the fuss was about.

Doing a runner at Rics
It's early on a Friday night and I'm approaching Ric's Bar fast and
with a fearful thirst for knowledge.
Someone I trust implicitly has just told me that Ric's is so fed up with
the on-going noise battle that it's quitting the live music scene and is
going to be refurbished as an Irish bar.
My mate swears that the new venue is going to be called Ric O'Sheas.
Now Brisbane needs another Irish pub like I need another hole in my penis
head, so it's paramount that I get in there quickly and clear this tragedy
up once and for all with Rics management.
That, and have one final cleansing ale to finish what's been a very pleasant
afternoon of research at various other Valley learning centres.
I swing right under between the umbrellas and the usual sweet young faces
confront me.
That's the thing about Ric's on a Friday night. It pays to be out of there
fairly early. By late night, there's so many young people in there, all
aged between 18 and 18 and a day, that a poor old bloke can sometimes feel
like he's overseeing an overcrowded creche.
At the door way, I'm stopped in my tracks by the bouncer, a young bloke
in tight black t-shirt.
"I'm sorry, mate, but you can't come in here," he says, muscly
arm outstretched.
Why not, I bleat. It's Friday night. This is Rics so I must be here.
You're not dressed properly, he says.
At this point, I must describe what I'm wearing. I'm sporting my best shirt,
a blue and exclusive short-sleeved number from the House of Fabiani. My
jib-cutting shorts are a cream-coloured creation of the Heavy Water fashion
house. You've probably heard of them.
Short but, dare I say it, trendy socks and my well-worn but lovable New
Balance 606 runners complete what I believe to be a fairly nifty outfit.
This seems to be confirmed by the once-overs and side glances I'm getting
from some of the seated pretties on Blackshirt's flanks.
I'm a fashion plate, for fuck's sake, and his jibe at my attire could easily
have made me angry.
"Do you know who the fuck I am," I'm tempted to ask. It has been
a long day and while I'm pretty sure I know who I am, some independent corroboration
wouldn't hurt.
Instead, I take a punt and just tell him what I believe my first name to
be. He tells me his, and while we seem to be getting on fabulously, he still
insists I'm still not dressed properly.
I turn obediently away fashion police have always had that effect
and dissolve into the darkness.
A quick trip up Brunswick Street to the Bug office to get a notebook, pen
and the Bug's state of the art non-digital camera, and I'm backing confronting
Blackshirt.
I've checked the licence in my wallet and, armed with the exact knowledge
of who I am now and always have been, I reintroduce myself to the bouncer.
I tell him I'm back as a working journalist and I'm going to write a story
on what appears to be new dresscode requirements at the venue.
"And your name was?" I ask, pen poised.
He pulls up his identification tag, 447, and says: "Write it down,
mate."
"Come-on," I reply, "you were happy to tell me your name
before. Why won't you tell me now?"
"I don't recall it, mate."
At this point, I just want to declare how amazingly quickly such banter
can degenerate into hostility.
Blackshirt refuses to answer my question about what dresscode he has been
asked to enforce and very quickly I'm getting the "there's no need
to be belligerent, sir" line.
It must be part of their training. These fascist fashion police/venue bouncers
act like real smartarses, and as soon as you query their attitude, you're
the one with the problem.
It's just a short trip to the next stage, where Blackshirt is informing
me that this is private property, I've been told to move on and if I don't
do so, action will be taken.
Now I don't take lightly to being threatened by some young thug who thinks
standing in front of a venue with a name tag gives him the authority to
threaten anyone, let alone an award-winning*, working journalist.
For Blackshirt's information now (seeing I didn't make the point at the
time), my guess is that the couple of metres outside Rics doorway is a public
thoroughfare, and if I want to, I could stand there all fucking night hopping
on one leg and whistling showtunes if that takes my fancy. I've got an Oliver
medley in mind.
We engage in a short "if you don't know why you can't come in that's
you problem" standoff and then he finally tells me it's my runners.
I walk out into the mall proper and take some pictures of the types of young
things that Blackshirt has no problems with.
That's an ashen -faced me (at right) pondering my fate outside my
beloved Ric's.
Can't show you a photo of Blackshirt because everytime I raised my camera
in his direction, he ducked inside the venue. Must be something in his parole
conditions that doesn't allow him to be photographed
The other photo (left) is of a young thing just
coming out of Ric's with, unless I'm very much mistaken, a couple of Cascade
ales and, hold on, wearing what looks remarkably like ....runners.
I've since been told they're trainers.. Now runners and trainers, I'm not
sure of the difference. I'm not even sure why $100 runners are out, while
cheap, coloured canvas deck shoes are in.
But enough about fashion.
Let's cut to the chase and why The Bug in the past has had
fun with other Valley venues and their fascist .... oops, I mean fashion
... police.
And how they screen patrons differently night to night with "sorry
but it's alternate night". Or "Goth night". Or "in your
case, sir, night, night".
More often than not, I suspect runners are just the convenient excuse. I've
been rejected at similar venues in my Blunstones because it's an invitation-only
fashion night or some such wank.
Venues can try to tailor their clientele to some extent, and if Ric's on
this particular Friday night wants only young people, that's their business.
As Groucho Marx once said: I don't want to drink piss in any venue that
doesn't want me to drink piss in it" or words to that effect..
All The Bug asks is for a little honestly in future.
This is how the conversation with Blackshirt should have gone.
Blackshirt: "I'm sorry, Sir, you can't come in here."
Me: Why not?
Blackshirt: You've had far too many.
Me: Beers?
Blackshirt: No. Years.
Me: Are you asking me to leave just 'cos I'm old and on my own?
Blackshirt: That's right, sir. You're old, balding and fat.
Me: But that guy there got in
Blackshirt: We had to let him in. He's the boss.
Me: So I can't come in under any circumstances?
Blackshirt: You might have stood a chance if you'd been accompanied by three
or four young girls in skimpy shorts with their tits hanging out everywhere.
Me: That's terrible.
Blackshirt: I know. But that's the way it is, sir. Now please move on. You
and your walking frame are blocking the way.
* Upgraded to Business-First twice in 1999 without even asking for it.