Dear Dr Dick,
Not only was my most recent period two weeks overdue, but when it finally
arrived it was deep blue. Do you think I should seek medical advice?
Concerned,
Albany, West Australia.
Dr Dick replies:
Nah! It's just the artist in you coming out.
Dear Dr Dick,
I have a mole on the side....
Doctor Dick replies:
Way to go!
Dear Dr Dick,
For some months now, my young son has had a raised, red lump on the
top of his glans penis. It is painful to the touch and weeps a slightly
discoloured liquid when squeezed. Do you think it could be some sort of
cancerous growth?
Concerned Parent
Yeronga, Queensland
Dr Dick replies:
Yeah, could be.
Dear Dr Dick,
I have always been attracted to powerful, domineering women. During
the 1970s and 80s I subscribed to numerous British magazines just so I was
able to gaze at photos of then Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. A few
years ago I was besotted by the Liberals’ Bronwyn Bishop and would
have done anything to have had her blonde beehive reposing on my Tontine
overnight. Now, in the past few months I have found myself uncontrollably
drawn to Pauline Hanson and have been having a recurring dream about her.
I dream about us being together, naked, in a fish-and-chip shop. We smear
each other with frying oil (slightly warmed, not hot) and erotically feed
each other chips and potato scallops before falling onto a pile of clean
white wrapping paper. In my dream, we then engage in erotic foreplay. Pauline
begins kissing me on my lips, chin, neck, chest, and tummy. But then, just
as she moves below my waistline, I look down and see that my penis has turned
into a deep-fried crumbed sausage.This doesn’t stop her. She looks
up at me and says, “Please explain!”, before taking it in her
mouth and biting it clean off.I then wake up screaming. What does this dream
signify?
Tormented
Launceston
Dr Dick replies:
Buggered if I know.
Dear Dr Dick,
My elderly uncle – who, incidentally, has been a big fan of you
and your column for many years – has an acutely embarrassing problem
that is limiting his enjoyment of life. It seems that every time he coughs
or sneezes, he involuntarily urinates. Not a large quantity, but enough
to noticeably dampen his pants. He has grown fearful of this happening in
public and now refuses to leave his house. I am already sensing signs of
depression in him and am afraid he is likely to develop into a recluse,
even though in all other ways he is extremely strong and active for his
age. I know there are simple exercises available that can put a stop to
his problem. The local health clinic, not far from his house, runs a program
especially designed to cure sufferers such as my uncle. But I have been
unsuccessful in convincing him to leave his house to attend the clinic.Because
he is such an admirer of yours, I would really appreciate it if you could
advise him to overcome his fears, attend the classes and once again start
living a full life.Could you please offer him some encouragement through
your column, which he always reads?
Worried Sick,
Narrabri, NSW
Dr Dick replies:
No.
Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 599, Spring Hill Q. 4004 or
drop him an e-mail.
