Hit and miss....

The Big Hit (MA)
Director: Che-Kirk Wong
Bug rating out of 5: Two and a half.

The Big Hit is one of those movies that really makes you think.
Mainly about why it didn't go straight to video release.
Not that The Big Hit is an absolute miss. There are enough shoot-em-outs using really big and really noisy guns that cause bodies to be blasted metres through the air for action genre enthusiasts to reach immediately for their pull-through oil and latest mail order issue of Kill It Dead Real Quick And Mount It Not Necessarily in That Order magazine.
And for those who don't go all mushy over a smokin' magnum or rigid over a high-powered repeating rifle, director Che-Kirk Wong (Never Heard of Him) has milked – by design or otherwise – a few good laughs out of a storyline as fresh as last week's dental floss.
It goes something like this. Hitman Melvin Smiley (Mark Wahlberg, recovered from his stand-out role in Boogie Nights) loves killing people but to women he's a pliable pussycat. He just can't say no to either his fiancee, Pam – the ever-developing Christina "Her acting's improving too" Applegate or his mistress Chantel (Lela Rochon) and who could blame him.
Trouble is he can't say no either to his crime mates who want to pull a job without telling the Godfather, Paris (Avery Brooks) who finds out about their betrayal and orders their demise. Oooh wahhh, aren't they gonna get into trouble or what! This storyline hasn't been used since - damn, where did I put my watch!
There's some funny stuff as kidnap victim Kekio (China Chow) reads out a poorly structured ransom note, an obscenely delicious scene where Kekio and our hero hitman captor prepare a chicken for roasting, with an awful lot of stuffing on their minds, and Elliott Gould in a cameo which showcases brilliantly his current star status.
The Big Hit degenerates into a series of unbelievable car chases, a door-slamming bedroom farce, plenty of explosions and martial arts fights, but this reviewer suspects that cinema patrons who like this sort of thing won't mind one bit at all.

A very long tale.....

Godzilla (PG)
Director: Roland Emmerich
Bug rating out of 5: 1

It would have been easy to label Godzilla easily the worst movie for many a moon if we hadn't seen Hard Rain first.
We use the word moon advisedly because most of Godzilla's action takes place at night, moonlit or otherwise. Mostly otherwise. This apparently was done for one of two reasons: Godzilla is a really scary nuclear mutant leaping lizard and the filmmakers didn't want to frighten school kids too much; or the night settings and all that rain help hide the seams in the so-so special effects of this Jurassic Parks His Butt in the Lost World of New York.
Should we have given a movie that resorts to using the catchphrase "Size Does Matter" a look-in in the first place? No. But we did so it's important to make a few observations.
1. Didn't anyone tell Matthew Broderick he should never work with mutant animals or small children.
2. We wish Arabella Field (Lucy, the love interest) the best of luck in whatever career she now decides to follow outside film.
3. We wish Jean Reno all the best as he attempts to resurrect his career.
4. We suggest that the next time Dean Devlin and Emmerich collaborate on writing screen humour they make it funny.
5. If there is to be a sequel - and didn't Son of Godzilla popping out of his egg at movie's end come as an absolute surprise! - keep those nail-biting corridor scenes of raptor lookalikes chasing but never quite catching our fleeing heroes down to, say, a half dozen at the most.
6. Unlike Kundun, please don't distribute it in Australia.

Meandering menagerie......

Dr Dolittle (PG)
Director: Betty Thomas
Bug rating: 2 bugs

For some time now, The Bug has been working on a revolutionary new grading system for movies and is very near to finalising the world patent on it.
It's a split points system that would look something like this: 4.5 Bugs/2.5 Bugs. The first rating judges the movie's worth in its particular genre - comparing like with like, if you like; the second is an overall rating of the film judged against all comers. Hence, Arnold Schwarge...Schwagenn... Shwarganigg... Arnold Schwaggawagga.....Arnie's movies would look something like this: True Lies: 4.5 Bugs/1.5 Bugs. A rollickingly fine example of the action genre film; worthless flim-flam as an overall product.
Dr Dolittle is typical of the movie that would be treated far more kindly under the upcoming Bug Split Rating System than just with one cold hard assessment.
As a kids' film, Dr Dolittle holds its own. There's wee, poo, fart and bottie jokes aplenty to keep your average pre-schooler giggling embarrassingly behind their overpriced popcorn. Sadly for the adults, the more mature crumbs pitched their way - such as the condemned canine being walked down the animal refuge corridor while other caged strays call out: "Dead Dog Walking" – are few and far between in a storyline that barely holds the wee, poo, fart and bottie jokes together.
Eddie Murphy is fun to look and it's funny his character can talk to animals. But is that all there is? Babe does America?
One touching moment at the end of Dr Dolittle provides a glimpse of how a much better crafted script might have taken the adults in as well.

- Reviews by Don Gordon-Brown