e-mail et al....

Editor,
After reading My Say and Dr Dick, I would like to offer myself for the carnal use of Jersey Mike, the American who wrote you about his fiery loins and his misguided attempts to root Kylie Minouge. He should instead be seeking the sexiest women in the world, Canadians. We haven't gone all pear shaped like Kylie or your average Australian female. Is it any wonder the
men in the outback sheep stations prefer the woolies to the even hairier sheilas? John Travolta, Springsteen, Bon Jovi, these New Jersey men are dead sexy. Please put me in touch with Mike's loins as soon as possible.

Sarah McGill University
Montreal, Canada
May 5.

When The Bug passed on Sarah's plea for some good old-fashioned horizontal folkdancing, New Jersey style, Jersey Mike responded thus:

Now this is what I consider a real breakthrough in American Canadian relations, courtesy of our good buddies Down Under. However, my heart still belongs to Kylie Minouge,so I must deny's Sarah's quest to harvest "my boys". Besides, her remarks about Aussie women were uncalled for. Who knows but that Sarah herself appears to be the result of an unholy union, occuring when Chips Rafferty plied the Wookie from Star Wars with liquor.

Jersey Mike.
May 6.

Dear Editor,
I am a yank from BOSTON and several years back I was returning from a trade conference in Singapore. I stopped off in Aussie land for a few days rest. When I arrived in your country I was ill having eaten too many 'drunken prawns' at a Chinese resturant and spent most of two days running at both ends. While recovering at a hotel I showed obvious distress while in the
hotel's lounge. The barkeep offered that my distress was due to the fact that in the souther hemishere everything is reversed, even my digestive track, and a northern hemisphere native should take in nurishment in the posteria orfice less he become ill. I went along with this joke and told all present in the lounge that I was going back to my room and would follow the barkeeps advice. This produced a round of chuckles. About an hour later I came down to the lounge walking backwards and wiggling my bottom. The barkeep saw my entrance and questioned my wiggle: ' what's up Yank? " . I informed him that I took his advice and took my meal in the recommended manner. But now I was wiggling because I was ' chewing gum '. The lounge exploded in l stopped laughing I informed all that they were to stay ' up wind ' from me because I was about to ' clear my throat '. Again the lounge went mad. I stayed several days at the hotel and never had to buy another drink. I was referred to as ' the Windy Yank ' and someone put one of those road signs next to my table that read ' CAUTION HIGH WIND AREA '. This is a true story. Enjoyed your country and its people greatly !!

Walt Kearney
Boston Ma
USA
May 10

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