CAROL
Your body starts to reject that much-needed humour transplant you undertook several months ago.

SAGITTARIUS
You can't believe your luck when you go on-line shopping and snap up the very last two $500 tickets to the Sydney Olympics' Mid-Way Ceremony.

FEMMO-NAZIS
You think men who resort to using the word cunt are dickhead wankers.

VIRGO
Your decision to donate your body to the local medical school turns sour when you receive a reply saying it's been rejected.

FELICITY KENNETT
You can move out again now and get on with your own life now that Jeff's political star has waned to the point of extinction.

ARIES
You lie awake all night wondering if Australia dropped its 240 volt electricity grid in favour of the US system of 120 volts, would that mean the annual deaths in Australia through electrocution would halve?

UNIVERSITY OF QUEENSLAND STUDENT
Thought there'd be one or two of you who wouldn't do the proper thing. We don't believe we need to tell you what you've got to do right now!

FEMINIST COLLECTIVE
You picket the Queensland Art Gallery for continuing to exhibit Picasso's La Belle Hollandaise, a painting that is clearly demeaning to fat blue sheilas.

ARTY TYPE
You wonder if La Belle Hollandaise is spelt right in the star sign above.

JOHN HOWARD
Your nightly dreams of a menage a trois with Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mother become even more colourful and strikingly vivid with each passing day as the November constitutional referendum comes ever so closer.

CANCER/GEMINI
Yours was a very long, painful and protracted birth.

EAST TIMOR BODY BAG
Sadly, your life's work may be about to be fulfilled.

TALENTED BRISBANE SCRIPTWRITER
You have this great idea for a Hollywood movie about genetically-modified sharks terrorising scientists on an ocean laboratory, then wish you hadn't after taking in a screening of Deep Blue Sea.

ARIES
You ease up on your studies after realising you might get a good enough TE score to gain entry to the University of Queensland.

LEO
You make excuses to leave work early after you suddenly realise that in your rush to leave the house early this morning you may have left the vibrator on.

HOMOPHOBE
You are determined to vote down the Queen at the upcoming constitutional referendum.