CANBERRA: In a landmark decision released here late yesterday, the Anti-Discrimination Council has ruled that nation-wide taxi company, Black and White Cabs, must trade as White and Black Cabs every alternate year.

MELBOURNE: For the 165th consecutive day, Victorian police were forced yesterday to evict former state leader Jeff Kennett from the State Parliament precinct as he attempted to enter the offices of the Premier to begin work for the day.

ADELAIDE: Paramedics who rushed to Glenelg beach to treat a surfer who had been repeatedly attacked 200 metres off shore by a massive great white shark were stunned to find the 32-year old man did not have a single wound on him. They've nicknamed the would-be man-eater The Professor, after Australian Competition and Consumer Commission chairperson Professor Allan Fels.
"Some of the guys wanted to name the shark ABA, after the Australian Broadcasting Authority," one medic said, "until we noticed the swimmer did at least have some superficial bruising."

BRISBANE: With north Queensland having received more than its annual rainfall in the first four months of the year, the State Department of Primary Industries has predicted an 80 percent drop in this season's upcoming dental floss harvest.

SYDNEY: Disgraced former South African cricket captain Hansie Cronje should never be allowed to play international cricket again after confessing to taking money from bookmakers, the managers of both Shane Warne and Mark Waugh did not say in statements not released here last night.

CANBERRA: Civil rights lawyers have defended the decision by Prime Minister John Howard not to undertake a voluntary DNA mouth swab as federal police try to uncover the stunted, mean-spirited, middle-aged, hearing impaired, unapologetic, spittle-lipped, pathetic shell of a policy-free zoned relic locked forever in 50s Cold War, White Australia who has plagued the federal Parliament over recent decades.

SYDNEY: Major condom manufacturer Ansell has released a new range of prophylactics made out of the same material used in the controversial neck-to-knee Olympic swim suits. Ansell says the condoms make stroking easier and the wearer is always assured of coming first.