Wanger on comeback trail

Former Brisbane Bolts star centre-gouger, Ralph Wanger, is planning a comeback as part of the JDG’s global expansion plans.
Wanger, left the Bolts under acrimonious circumstances earlier this year, saying he “couldn’t give a rat’s arse about the game any more”.
“I’d rather breaststroke through vomit with my mouth open than play again. As for the fans, they can all go fuck themselves,” he was quoted as saying.
However, this week Wanger signalled a possible comeback by issuing a statement floating the idea of playing with fledgling British team, the Manchester Maggots.
The Maggots are part of an ambitious plan by the JDG to expand the game onto the international stage.

Under a blueprint to widen the appeal of the game and make it more saleable to pay television, former JDG chairman, the late Lester Vincent, established several overseas teams including the Calcutta Curries, the Seattle Scrotums and the Tokyo Tora Tora Toras.
The Manchester Maggots have been struggling to gain acceptance in a market dominated by soccer, cricket and rugby union.
Wanger’s inclusion could give the team the fillip it needs to attract both fans and sponsors.
JDG officials were tightlipped when asked to comment on Wanger’s announcement.
“It’s entirely a matter for him and the parole authorities,” a spokesperson said.
“There would be no impediment to him taking the field again as long as legal authorities are satisfied that he intends to return to Australia for the outstanding court cases.
“We would also want an assurance – and a substantial bond to back it up – that there would be no repeat of the off-field incidents that marked the final weeks of his career with the Bolts.”
Wanger’s time with the Bolts ended abruptly after several sensational disagreements with the JDG hierarchy over allegations he had brought the game into disrepute.
After losing a game to the Ulladulla Urethras in February, Wanger was charged with grievous bodily harm after setting fire to the Urethras’ on-field mascot, Bertie Bladder.
Later that month he faced assault charges after allegedly king-hitting a quadriplegic fan of the Darwin Disableds after the Bolts heavily lost a charity match after failing to score against the third division team.
Wanger successfully defended the charge, pleading he had been severely intoxicated at the time – a claim supported by all other Bolts players.
In March, just weeks before announcing his retirement, Wanger was arrested in the middle of a match against the Katoomba Kerfuffles and faced 23 hit-and-run charges after allegedly driving the on-field ambulance into a section of the crowd packed with Kerfuffle fans.
Wanger was confronted with a mountain of evidence against him, including live television footage of the incident and a record 13,457 statutory declarations – seven from the full bench of the High Court who were guests of the Katoomba club on the day.

Wanger’s defence team, led by colourful Sydney racing, property and legal identity, Dicky Shearman, successfully applied to have the charges dropped, pleading the presence of the High Court judges removed any right to a fair trial, given Wanger’s intention to exhaust all avenues of appeal if convicted.
Wanger himself admitted he had been severely intoxicated at the time – a claim supported by all other Bolts players.
Bolts coach, Jack Saunders, dismissed the allegations against Wanger.
“It’s just a bit of hi-jinks – just some good natured horseplay,” Saunders said at the time.
Wanger’s statement outlining his desire to play with Manchester also paid tribute to Lester Vincent and his international expansion of the JDG.
“Lester’s death late last year robbed the game of a true visionary,” the statement said.
“Like me, he faced his fair share of critics. But his dream lives on and I want to help make it come true.”
Vincent, JDG chairman for only two years, died of a suspected heart attack in a hotel room in Amsterdam’s red light district while on a business trip to Tokyo.