From The Bug of Nov 1, 1995:

Airport arrest puts Paki Test series on line....

Salim's 'kitbag of dirty tricks'

The upcoming three Test series against Pakistan has been thrown into grave doubt with the detention of controversial batsman Salim Malik at Perth Airport on Tuesday.
The master batsman at the centre on on-going bribery and game-rorting allegations had attempted to enter Australia disguised as English exotic dancer Tassles Lamore, telling incredulous Customs officials she was here for a few weeks on a working holiday.
The poor quality amateur photograph (below right) shows Malik in handcuffs after he attempted to belly dance unnoticed through Perth International Airport. Malik apparently used the disguise to try to outwit hundreds of media representatives awaiting his arrival. He planned to slip in unnoticed and join his countrymen at the end of their four-day clash with the West Australian side.
The world's cricketing scribes could not have guessed at the real reason for Malik's obvious discomfort when he finally emerged dressed in hastily arranged civilian clothes.
Malik is expected to be charged on summons for breaches of this country's Customs rules on identity disclosure, but the major bombshell to explode in world cricket's face will be the news of what a thorough internal body search revealed.
A government medical officer was summoned and recovered Malik's official Pakistan Cricket Board of Control Test kitbag. It disclosed a number of items that will turn the re-ignited controversy surrounding bribery allegations against Malik into the equivalent of a eucalypt firestorm in late summer.
"It was simply a kitbag of dirty tricks," one Customs official told The Bug's reporter who asked not to be named. "We've never seen anything like it."
The discovery of the items will add fuel to disturbing allegations in the corresponding series in Pakistan last year that Malik:
1. Attempted to bribe the Australian twins of spin, Shane Warne and Tim May, to bowl even more bad balls then they normally do; and
2. Just before a crucial one-day international tried to bribe NSW star Mark Waugh into making one of those really rash, totally irresponsible, rush-of-blood-to-the-head type shots which invariably leads to another soft dismissal, but only much earlier than he normally does.
The Bug can now report that the kitbag recovered in Perth contained:
. small mirrors capable of being cupped in the hand
. several empty boxes of green, waxed dental floss, with lengths of floss tied together with one end looped around a counterfeit but Test lookalike cricket bail
. a small mallet with a sawn-off handle; and
. a cricket ball almost exactly the same in colour, stitching and insignia as a Test standard ball, only square.
Just as shocking to veteran Customs officials who have seen it all was the finding of betting tickets hidden in the lining of one of the Test player's pads he was wearing when stopped by eagle-eyed Customs staff.
The arrogant hard-hitting batsman had apparently wagered 300,000,000 rupees ($42.30) with the Darwin based betting agency, Sportsbet Australia at 1000 to one that he would not only score exactly 417 runs in the three Test series but that the six innings would yield 70 and 42 at the 'Gabba, 37 and 71 in Melbourne and 103 and 94 not out in the final Test in Sydney from November 30 to December 4.
One of the greatest players ever of spin bowling, Allan Border, told The Bug that it was the height of arrogance for Malik to back himself to score almost 200 runs on the spin-friendly SCG wicket against Shane Warne.
Malik has boasted in the past that he can play Warne with his betting book closed.
News of Malik's disregard for the Victorian's bowling will certainly enrage the Sheik of Tweak, the Other Twin of Spin, The Earl of Twirl, the Pic of the Vics, the Skipper of the Flipper, the Legend of the Long Hop, the Guru of Googlies and the Nerd of Nike.
Customs officials said the bet-crazy Paki had even placed a substantial wager that he would beat Rod Marsh's first class record of downing over 30 cans of beer during a single flight.
They said Marsh's record was totally safe. Not only do strict Islamic laws prohibit the consumption of alcohol but the cocky, egotistical Malik had placed the bet on a one-hour Melbourne to Sydney flight midway through the series.
Top cricket administrators said that even though Malik clearly planned to bet on the series in clear convention of recently strengthened ICC rules, the items found in the kitbag would proved the greater controversy.
"This will rock international cricket more than the infamous Bodyline series and Ian Botham's in-flight etiquette combined," one former national chairman of selectors said.
"The mirror could be easily secreted in the hand as Malik fielded in the covers and used to blind any of the Australians if they got a start and looked like making a big score," one former national coach said.
Top officials also suspect that Malik while fielding in slips earlier in the Aussie innings planned to use the length of dental floss to dislodge the fake bail whenever Paki speedsters Wakar Younis and Wasim Akram beat the bat.
And if any batsman looked like upsetting Malik's plans with a big ton, the officials believed that Malik intended during the change of ends to hit the in-form batsman on the back of the head with the mallet.
One sports medicine expert approached by The Bug said a sharp whack to the back of the head would cause blurred or double vision which would unsettle the best of batsmen.
"No matter how well you've got your eye in, it would be extremely difficult to play down the right line when you're facing two or more balls."
It is believed the sneaky Paki planned to hide the mallet in the covered underground water tap recess near the wicket square normally used to for storing helmets.
But perhaps the most sinister weapon in Malik's sneaky arsenal was the square ball, apparently designed to be used as a last-ditch counter if Shane Warne's mystery ball proves as devastating as the Paki touring side fears and Nike hopes.
Border, the former Bulls skipper, told The Bug that if Malik substituted the square ball for the conventional round ball at a crucial stage of a Test, batsmen would have enormous difficulty keeping it out.
"You just wouldn't have a hope of guessing which way it was going to turn," Border said.
Late last night, the Australian Cricket Board in an urgent nationwide telephone hookup was still discussing the likely fallout of the items found in Malik's lower colon.

- From the hard copy Bug of November 1, 1995.