Hicks deserves a helping hand

Dear Morrie
This may be a bit out of your field of expertise, but I don't know anyone else I can turn to for advice.
You see I'm concerned about the Australian citizen David Hicks who's been held for almost two years in an American military prison camp in Cuba. He's facing a military triaHicks deserves a helping handl because of his alleged involvement with the al-Qaeda terrorist organisation.
I can't understand why the Australian government is allowing his fate to be decided by the US military.
What can ordinary Australians do to help?
Concerned
Bundaberg

Dear Concerned
You've certainly raised a touchy issue and one that has generated a lot of debate throughout our nation.
Quite frankly I can't understand why the Yanks are making such a fuss about Mr Hicks.
What has the world come to when a young Aussie bloke gets locked up just for hanging around with the wrong crowd?
It's downright un-Australian.
I'm not afraid to tell you that some of the things I did when I was a nipper should have seen me locked up.
I well remember when I was just 10 years old. We still celebrated "Cracker Night" in those days.
That was before some Kevin Killjoy or Nigel Nofriends in government decided kiddies shouldn't be allowed one night of the year to enjoy themselves playing with cheap imported explosive and incendiary devices.
Back then I was mates with the a couple of likely lads from a family living down the street.
The Milats didn't stay long in the neighbourhood and I don't know what happened to Ivan and his brothers.
But I do know that in those days we used to have a lot of fun together.
This one particular Cracker Night these young tearaways got hold of the cat belonging to a cranky old biddy living across the road - a Miss Hitchcock who was around 103 not out, or so it seemed to us at the time.
The Milat boys cornered the cat and inserted a three-penny bunger in its exhaust system - not an easy operation and one which caused some protest from the cat.
Well bugger me if, as they lit the fuse, old Miss H doesn't stick her wrinkly old dial out her front door and - after hearing squeals - starts asking the cat for its whereabouts.
We quickly dropped out of sight as the cat scampered home, up the front steps and into the house.
The social worker assigned to our case later told the Magistrate that old Miss H had actually been quick enough to grab her cat, pick it up, and start nursing it before the fuse burned down far enough to ignite the bunger.
Miss H soon discovered the whereabouts of her cat - it was everywhere, apparently.
To this day I protest my innocence in that whole sorry business.
I never actually touched the cat, and I knew deep down we shouldn't put a three-penny bunger in it.
I was all for using a half-penny bunger or maybe tying some Tom Thumbs to its collar.
Nevertheless, I ended up in the Children's Court even though I did nothing wrong.
I was just in the wrong place with the wrong crowd.
So I can sympathise with young Mr Hicks who's biggest mistake was to fall in with the wrong types.
Okay, so maybe spray painting a lounge room with an old dear's pussy isn't on the same scale as killing a few thousand people by ramming aircraft into the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon in an attempt to bring down the world's one and only superpower, but the principle is the same.
The fact is that like a lot of other Aussie blokes, David Hicks included, I know what it's like to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It's obvious to me he was just a young bloke out for a bit of a lark, running around Afghanistan playing cowboys and indians, when he gets tossed in jail by some touchy Yanks who throw away the key.
I reckon a lot of Aussies might just be thinking along the same lines as the old Morrie on this one.
Bugger it, let's not forget that we're a nation built on the idea of a fair go, and on the concept of helping mates in trouble.
That's why we just love larrikins like Ned Kelly. So what if he and his gang murdered a few people here and there. Deep down they were just loveable rogues.
With that in mind, I'm already laying the groundwork for a special fund to help David Hicks.
I want to use it to tap the enormous sympathy ordinary Aussies feel for him and his plight and to make sure he has the best possible defence team when he gets to trial.
I've already got a legal eagle in mind - a former QC who smoothes the legal speed bumps for me whenever the powers that be try to restrain me with their neverending reel of red tape.
So, if you want to help out, get your friends together and round up a couple of lazy K dollars.
It'll be an expensive business. After all, young Hicks is being held in a cage in Cuba - halfway around the world.
Just send me a cheque made out to Caring Australians Supporting Hicks and I'll soon get things moving at my end.
Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.
I'll be in touch.
Morrie

Morrie Bezzle is chief executive officer of Tally Ban Mobile Disco (in liquidation) , general manager of Camp X-Ray Paintball Adventures Pty Ltd, and chairman of Al Kyder & Associates.