Latham planned to settle old scores

EXCLUSIVE

The Bug's political reporter in Canberra LAURIE O'GRATTEN has obtained a copy of the first draft of Mark Latham's resignation statement which shows the former leader planned to tip a bucket on the media, voters and the Howard government. We reproduce the draft statement here in full.

"Now listen in, youse pricks, and listen good. I know I should have said something about that tirramasu ... that suenam .... tsosueme if I call it that bloody big wave thing ... but can't you buggers understand I'm really very, very sick?
What 'm very, very sick of is having to talk to you ratbags and I'm heartily sick of the Australian people, so I'm quitting and I'm outta here.
But do youse arseholes know what's good about that? Now I can tell the Australian public through the one-sided shitty and inaccurate reports youse will all file tonight on tellie and through Rupe's bullshit papers what I really think about them and bugger the consequences. God I've hated over the past few months trying to give the impression that Labor knows exactly where it went wrong ... how it's got to change for them, blah blah blah blah, to the point where I've wanted to spew or punch a cabbie at random.
What a fucking lot of bullshit that charade has been. Yet we're expected to do it every time we lose ... like Kimbo a couple of times back there talking about eating humble pie - as if he needs to eat more of any fucking thing! Pretending to say we're listening to the people's message. Just like he'll do next time if this fucked-up party returns to the silly old windbag.
Well you know what! Kimbo never meant a word of it. He reckoned he had some good policies and you know what, cunts, so did I if only the morons reading or listening to me comments hadn't been too dumb to appreciate them.
That's right, you Aussie morons. You might have voted me down but I don't think anything I did, said or promised was wrong.
So shove that lot up your collective arseholes until youse all bleed to death.
Youse pricks won't like hearing this, but you got conned by that devious little runt over home interest rates and I've had to face the cameras and say how he was right and we were wrong.
Well morons, you're a bunch of scaredy-cats and fuck you for being conned so easily.
It makes me want to take a swipe at all of you. You totally ignored all the bad things that lying little prick did during his last few governments - and there were some absolute shockers - and were swayed instead by your selfish fucking self-interest.
Isn't it fucking amazing that after I played that devious, lying little runt off a break over a number of issues since becoming Leader of the Opposition, then won the campaign debate, and then won the campaign proper in the eyes of most of youse fucked-in-the-head scribes to the point that I was comfortably in the lead in a few polls just before the end, little Johnnie finally breaks through on the back of a mountain of grubby interest-rate ads that youse all agreed had no basis in fact or history.
But he wins and grins. I lose and gotta pretend I know where the fuck I and the ALP went wrong. Well fucking excuse me for having policies that I thought might have made a difference.
But just to finish off I'm still man enough to admit to perhaps making one mistake during my time at the helm of the ALP.
That meeting with the little cunt in the corridor of the radio station towards the end of the campaign? The one where people who were probably just looking for an excuse anyway reckon they were put off me because of my aggressive and overbearing attitude to the obnoxious little twerp.
Well in hindsight I was wrong. I should have done Australia a favour and fucking knocked the lying prick's head clean off.

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