Some very fruity problems

Dear Dr Dick:
I have a banana-shaped dick pointing downwards and would like to know is that bad or is it just different?
MI, June 2

Dr Dick replies: Don't worry about it. Some women find a banana penis quite apeeling.

Dear Dr Dick:
I was wondering what is the average size of a teenager's penis? And if it is around 6', is that a good size?
Joshua W, June 1

Dr Dick replies: Six feet sounds more than adequate.

Dear Dr Dick:
I just got out of a long-term relationship. The problem is that when I start dating a new guy it takes so long to have one. Is it nerves? I am talking about a clitoral orgasm. I can't have a G-spot one yet. Why?
Bobbi Johnson, June 2

Dr Dick replies: Obviously this new guy is a dud root. I suggest dumping him fast. Make sure when you do that you tell him why you're giving him the heave-ho. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll take it as constructive criticism.

Dear Dr Dick:
I am a teenager and wondered if my penis is small. I measured myself - four inches unerected and five inches erected. I want to play football in high school but I'm afraid other people will make fun of me. So now I'm unsure whether to play or not.
Superman, May 30

Dr Dick replies: My chief concern here is that you're obviously worried about getting an erection during a game. You're not in the backrow of the scrum by any chance?

Dear Dr Dick,
Can you please tell me if those sprays and natural pills for penis enlargement work and if so which one you would recommend?
SF, May 29

Dr Dick replies: You've come to the right place if you want a good spray.

Dear Dr Dick:
My girlfriend thinks she can get pregnant if she gives me a blowjob. This is not true, right? I'm pretty sure it is not.
Mr E, May 28

Dr Dick replies: It can be true; it all depends on what you kiss afterwards.

Dear Dr Dick:
I bumped into an old boyfriend the other day and I felt really, really embarrassed by the chance meeting, to the extent that I could hardly look him in the eyes. He did date me for quite a long time so please explain my bizarre reaction .
Shamed, June 12

Dr Dick replies: Maybe you would have been a lot less red-faced if your relationship had been based on vaginal sex?

Dear Dr Dick,
Do you know where I can get details about becoming a porn actor?
Sandra, July 3

Dr Dick replies: No, but look on the bright side. If you're deadset on taking such a career route, you certainly won't need any acting talent.

Dear Dr. Dick,
I'm sure you've heard this many times before, but I am not happy with the shape of my vagina. I've compared myself to other girls I've seen and they all have outer lips that cover mostly all of the inner labia. I feel I'm the only one with a lot of protruding skin down there. Not to mention I've heard a number of guys talk badly about girls that they have been with who have a lot of meat down there. It's a terrible feeling to be self-conscious about my vagina, I mean I don't ever want to be with anyone because of what they might think. Please help. What can I do?!
Self-Conscious, June 22

Dr Dick replies: This condition is far more common than you might think. Interestingly enough, from a medical viewpoint, it was discovered almost simultaneously by researchers in America and Britain. That's why is goes by two technical names, Beefius extremis curtainii, and Gene Autrieus Saddlebagus. And now that you know how common it is, just remember that men are far more common than that. Find a bloke who doesn't give a hoot.

Dear Dr Dick,
My boyfriend insists that we have anal sex regularly. Is there any danger in this? Can the sphincter become too stretched or can it lead to bowel problems?
Dawn, June 27

Dr Dick replies: Tell your boyfriend he has nothing to worry about.

Dear Dr Dick,
I have a little penis and I am wondering, will girls laugh at me?
L, June15

Dr Dick replies: Probably, but who cares if they do! If you've got them to that stage you're probably going to get what you're after.

Dear Dr Dick,
I have a 9-inch penis. I'm 15. Is that normal or should I be bigger?
Big S, July 13

Dr Dick replies: If you mean 15 years, that's well within the bounds of normality. If you mean 15 months, it's probably your umbilical cord.

Dear Dr Dick,
I am a teenage boy and I have spots on my dick shaft and I want to know how to get rid of them. Please help.
AM, July 14

Dr Dick replies: If the vigorous rubbing a lad of your age has no doubt been giving them hasn't shifted them, then nothing will.

Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006, or drop him an e-mail.