WE'RE IN BOX SEAT FOR ICON!

By cricket writer DON GORDON-BROWN

Grateful Australians have now donated close to $25.50 in a heartfelt response to this newspaper's bid to return to our shores one of Aussie sport's most treasured icons.
With their help, The Bug is now fairly confident that the cricket protector - or box as it is commonly known - once worn by the greatest white allrounder of all time, Keith Ross Miller (right), will return to Australia where it belongs, after it's been given a good scrub in boiling water and disinfectant.
The bona fides of the protector (above) have been verified by experts who used DNA testing of a single scrotal pube stuck to its inner-surface to prove it was indeed worn by Miller in his final turn at bat on the incomparable 1948 tour by the Invincibles, led by Sir Donald Bradman.
What's more, the box's proud owner, retired Yorkshire grocer Fred Ward, whose mother found it on the sports field of a girls college in Leeds in late 1948, has now declared we will have first option to buy the sporting treasure even before it goes under the hammer.
He did this as soon as we asked him to, when we realised what a goddam pickle we'd gotten ourselves into by big-noting ourselves in the first place in vowing to buy the box at its upcoming auction on June 29.
"You luds are right daft," the plain-talking Yorkshireman, who, it must be said, bears an uncanny resemblance to the great cricketer, told us this week.
"Me and the luds down poob can't work out why thee didn't joost buy damned thing at auction, anonymous like, and make big foos after.
"And I'd 'ave been 'appy if sale netted 'nuff quid for few pints down poob for rest of days.
"Anyone in world who's cashed oop would be daft ha'p'orth not to simply outbid thee on the day.
"Thee'd then 'ave to buy it off they - joost to save face.
"No woonder thy's asked me to set special price afore goes under 'ammer.
"Aye, and it's special, all right."
It's not too late for Bug readers to contribute to the fund to bring Nuggets' box home for good.
The appeal is being run by this newspaper's finance columnist Morrie Bezzle, who kindly offered to set up a special fund for the purpose.
So all you mum and dad cricket fans out there: dip into your hard-earned and send whatever you can to our special Cricket Asset Shipped Home appeal.
Bugger it, to save your time and Morrie's, why not simply make your much-needed donation out to CASH?

The Errol Flynn of world cricket

Anyone who doubts that Keith Ross Miller was a larger-than-life character who strode the world's cricket stage unchallenged should remember that he was the only white cricketer who wore two protectors at the one time.
"Nuggets" - the nickname is pretty self-explanatory, really - was a dashing World War II bomber pilot with rakish, Hollywood good looks.
A natural sportsman who also played AFL at state level, he loved nothing better on English tours than to throw down a Pommy pint or 30 and bowl as many maidens over as possible.
The box owned by the Yorkshireman only came to light several months ago when someone with an immense knowledge of cricket memorabilia visited the Yorkshireman's home and noticed the famous piece of sports gear being used as an outdoor planter box.
Because of its elongated shape, the expert quickly suspected that the box was the one worn by Miller to protect his left testicle during the famous 1948 tour
The whereabouts for the past 55 years of Miller's right testicle protector has never been the subject of mystery.
For decades, it has been proudly displayed in the sports trophy cabinet at the South London College for Immaculately Concepted Young Ladies (right), run by the nuns of the Corpus Clitorati Order in leafy Kennington not far from the famous cricket ground, The Oval, where Miller so often starred with bat and ball.
Legend has it that the protector was found one morning on the hockey oval at the prestigious private girls school towards the end of the northern summer of 1948.
The South London College for Immaculately Concepted Young Ladies is one of the most sought-after upper-crust schools in all of England.
Generation after generation of well-bred mothers have sent their daughters to the school, which boasts not only one of the highest academic levels in the country on a year-to-year basis, but an amazing number of students whose own grandparents bear an uncanny resemblance to Keith Ross Miller.