The long and short of it
Dear Dr Dick:
I am a student at the University of Central Florida doing research
for a paper on the significance of the last name Dick in various
professional fields. I chose this project in reply to some whom
feel that having the last name Dick would hinder one's progress
through the medical field because it seems unprofessional. Any
input you could give me about what it is like to have the last
name Dick in your profession would be greatly appreciated.
Eric Dick, May 25
Dr Dick replies: We don't respond to dickheads.
Dear Dr Dick:
I'd rather not tell you the size of my dick, can you just tell
me the right size for a teenager. Oh yeah, is it normal to masturbate?
Maxy, May 21
Dr Dick replies: Aren't we a secretive one? Well, two can play at that game.
Dear Dr Dick:
Is having a curved dick fixable.
Brown Sugar, May 17
Dear Dr Dick,
I have a bent dick. What should I do?
RWB, May 15
Dr Dick replies: I'll answer these two questions together by saying both of you should meet up, especially if you're standing side by side.
Dear Dr Dick,
I was wondering what it means when a guy tells a girl his penis
size. Does it mean he is trying to impress, or what?
Amanda, April 21
Dr Dick replies: Some blokes have ten inches, I mean tendencies, to brag about their personal equipment. It's just a matter of being ten inches, I mean tenacious, in your dealings with them.
Dear Dr Dick,
Recently my penis has shrunk in size. When aroused it used to
be approx 6.5 inches and now is about 4.5 inches and has been
like this for about three months. I also now find it very hard
to get erect whereas before it was too easy. Do you know what
has caused the shrink in size?
Brian, May 1
Dr Dick replies: The weather?
Dear Dr Dick:
I've got purple spots on the top of my head and I was wondering
what was that from?
JU, April 30
Dr Dick replies: Do you recall painting a ceiling purple without wearing a hat?
Dear Dr Dick,
I just wanted to know why I am having swelling near my testicles.
It has been happening since the last three days and I have no
clue as to why. Please reply as soon as possible.
MJS, April 28
Dr Dick replies: I certainly hope that's cleared up by now.
Dear Dr Dick,
I have a girlfriend, that needs a lot to be satisfied. I take
long to cum, but the problem is that the size of my penis, plus
the erection level. It doesn't erect so hard in a way that it
is like a rock. It's hard, but not so hard. Plus, the size. It's
about 14cms, and I wanna enlarge it to at least 19 or 21cm. Please
help me sir, I'm counting on you.
KS, April 25
Dr Dick replies: Try substituting a 20cm long rock for your penis next time you have sex and see which one your girlfriend prefers.
Dear Dr Dick,
Is it possible to cure a cheesey penis? If so how?
Anon, April 25
Dr Dick replies: You don't say what variety - blue vein, munster?
Dear Dr Dick,
I have worries. I have always been afraid that when the time comes,
I'll come out too short. I am a teenager with a 7-inch long one.
I am 4 inches around. Is that enough to please my girl when it's
that time?
AZ April 21
Dr Dick replies: That time or any time I'd suggest.
Dear Dr Dick,
My friend thinks she has a problem. She went out with me and kissed
a guy about three weeks ago. She's been married since August and
has been faithful to her husband, as she is sure he has been to
her, and now after kissing this guy, she has developed a small
rash on the left side of her anal opening. She is worried and
I was hoping you could help.
Me, April 18
Dr Dick replies: I'm sorry, but I refuse to make rash judgements.
Dear Dr Dick,
I've been dealing with the problems of having a small penis my
whole life. I'm only 20 but it's been bothering me for a while.
I first had sex when I was 17 and the girl acted like she enjoyed
it but I could barely feel a thing. Recently I have been experiencing
more pleasure. However my penis is only 4 3/4 inches and I don't
know about thickness but it's not that big. I feel embarrassed
to show anybody my penis that's why I usually have sex with the
lights off. I just basically need an inch or two and and some
thickness. I went to a urologist and he said there was nothing
he could do.
Bob C, April 14
Dr Dick replies: The other doctor has left you in the dark and I'm afraid that's where you might have to stay.
Dear Dr Dick,
I am 13 years old and have a 7" inch penis. Is this normal
and will my penis get any bigger as I get older?
Brad White, March 6
Dr Dick replies: Gosh Brad, I hope not, otherwise you might be the first person ever to contest an Olympic Games pole vault without any equipment.
Dear Dr Dick,
My husband just bought a dog for me to have sex with. The problem
is he doesn't seem interested. If he gets near my pussy he shys
away. Is there anything we can do to help him get over this problem?
Help, April 4
Dr Dick replies: It's good to hear from someone who likes ruff sex.
Dear Dr Dick,
I'm not trying to be rude but it doesn't sound like you care about
these people's problems. You just reply with a smart remark.
Chase, April 2
Dr Dick replies: And your problem is?
Dear Dr Dick,
How can I suck my own dick?
Sean the Stooge, March 30
Dr Dick replies: Very well, I guess, if you can get to it.
Dear Dr Dick
I have a bum on my dick and I'm 16 and it has a hole in the middle
of it and I have never had sex. Can you tell me what it is? Is
it an STD or can it be cured?
Mr D, March 23
Dr Dick replies: It may not be a STD just yet but it probably soon will be if you continue to have a bum on your dick.
Dear Dr Dick,
Is there any way I can enlarge my penis with out taking pills
or hurting myself? And one other thing, is there a good way to
get girls to like me if I'm a fat and ugly guy?
Craig, March 20
Dr Dick replies: To answer your two points: get a hard-on, and don't be so hard on yourself.
Dear Dr Dick,
My boyfriend is very turned on by me. He says that he has all
the urges he used to, but his penis will not stay erect. If you
come off the penis for more than five seconds it goes limp. He
can also only cum once out of every four times we have sex. What's
wrong.
MM, March 18
Dr Dick replies: If it's four times in one session, there's nothing wrong.
Dear Dr Dick,
My dick is only 5 inches so I'm afraid to do more than kissing
with girls. Is my dick size normal or small.
Dr Dick replies: Normal, provided you're a male. Extraordinarily large otherwise.
Dr Dr Dick,
I see you say that your dick size decreases as you get older.
I am very conscious of my dick size. How can you stop this from
happening without having to get an implant or extension?
Concerned, March 1
Dr Dick replies: There's good news and bad news. First, you can't stop it happening. Second, as you get older you care less about it. .I'll let you work out which is good and which is bad.
Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley.
Q. 4006, or drop him an e-mail.
