Pentagon reveals blunder:
US MARINES RESCUE UGLY
BLACK BROAD BY MISTAKE!

The US military yesterday admitted to a major blunder in
the lead-up to the dramatic rescue of American POW Private Jessica
Lynch from her Iraqi captors.
The rescue of Pte Lynch on April 1 from the Saddam Hospital in
Nasiriyah - now the subject of a soon-to-be-made Hollywood blockbuster
movie - nearly didn't succeed after the contingent of US Marines
charged with carrying out the rescue mission, initially retrieved
the wrong POW.
At a Pentagon news conference yesterday, Colonel Dane Jackiels
who led the raid, revealed how a doctor at the army's forward
MASH unit had first broken the news that the rescue bid had gone
horribly wrong.
Col Jackiels, commander of the United States Marines 55th Airborne
Publicity Unit based in White Rock, Alabama, said he was still
upset at how he almost let his country down
"We'd retrieved the heavily bandaged POW from the hospital
and had brought her safely back behind the lines to our mobile
army surgical hospital (MASH)," Col Jackiels said.
"A few minutes later, even before our celebrations could
start, a doctor came out of the EOT (emergency operating theatre)
shaking his HEAD (head) and saying over and over again: We've
made a terrible, terrible mistake.
"I put a hand around his shoulder and said: Doc we'll just
have to say she died from injuries inflicted by Saddam's henchmen.
It'll still run good on the evening news.
"Then the doc said: No, no, I mean she's black and ugly.
"Then I shouted: You mean she's not Jessica Lynch?
"I raced in and realised straight away what a goddam public
relations disaster we had on our hands.
"There was this big fat black chick propped on on the bed.
I thought: Goddam, this broad's as ugly as a bucketful of cold
grits.
"Jesus, you wouldn't shoot a home movie about this black
chick let along stage a major Hollywood production.
"I mean not even Whoopi Goldberg could play her. Maybe James
Earl Jones Jnr in drag.
"I knew instinctively that there's no way in the world any
newspaper or TV station south of the Mason Dixon Line were going
to give this a run.
"Shit, most of the papers I know wouldn't touch this story
even if we'd rescued Hale Berry and we'd carried her out upside
down and butt naked."
Col Jackiels said his troops had risked their lives a second time
to make a dramatic re-entry to Saddam Hospital to return the first
POW and rescue Pte Lynch.
Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said the Iraqis who had bandaged
both prisoners so that the mixup occurred would be held to account.
"Surely this must be the most flagrant breach of the Geneva
Convention ever," he said.