Anaconda (M)
BUG rating: TWO BUGS
Count Leo Tolstoy’s classic romantic novel of forelorn love, morality
and death by constriction has been brought dramatically to the screen in
Anacondarennia, or as it’s been released in Australia – Anaconda.
In this abstract depiction of the famous late 19th Century novel, St Petersberg
and the privilged world of the Russian aristocracy make way for the murky
unnavigated waters of South America, where the silkenly slim, striking yet
mysterious Ana is making a meal of her relationships with those who, for
various reasons, want to get close to her.
True to her upbringing and class, the beautiful Ana will have nothing to
do with the little people that populate her Brazillian habitat. She says
no fangs – not even as an entree – to the legendary Shirishama
Indians who dwell along the Amazon she calls home.
Ana dreams of one day becoming hopelessly entwined with the Count Alexei
Vronsky character, transported here as the moody Paul Sarone (Jon Voight).
Voight gives a bravura performance which virtually shouts at producers:
hey if you’re going to make the Godfather IV and you can’t get
a crane big enough to get Marlon Brando out of his trailer, I’m your
man!
The mumbling Sarone makes no secret of the fact that he wants Ana badly,
and his obsessive passion for the python shocks his fellow aristocrats on
the river boat including the Levin and Kitty characters, depicted in this
interesting retelling as anthropologist Steven Cale (Eric Stolz) and film
director Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez).
All in all, Anaconda is a reasonably accurate and sincere depiction of the
Tolstoy classic.
My one beef is that moviegoers not familar with the 1870s novel might have
been kept in better suspense if director Luis Llosa had avoided the trap
of making it abundantly clear from the outset that Sarone’s illicit
passion for Ana would surely lead to both their downfalls by film’s
end.
- Don Gordon-Brown
Out to Sea (PG)
BUG rating: ONE BUG
It was portentous, indeed, that the preview screening for the new
Jack Lemmon/Walter Matthau vehicle, Out to Sea, was preceded by a trailer
for the upcoming disaster flick, Titanic.
In hindsight, it now seems totally fitting that one total disaster on the
open sea should be followed immediately by another.
Released in the United States as Grumpiest Old Men Go to Water and in the
United Kingdom by the far more honest title, All At Sea, Out to Sea is so
bad that it makes the recent batch of Elvis Presley's movies on daytime
TV look like four bug, state-of-the-art entertainment.
About the only laugh is when Lemmon's character, Herb, conned into becoming
a dance host on a Caribbean-bound passenger liner by his brother -in-law,
Charlie, takes in their cramped, below water line cabin and observes: "A
good fart in here would give you concussion."
Unfortunately, it's all hands to the pumps after that.
Oh, Jack! Where's Hank and James when you need them most?
It's an embarrassment to see such a master of the craft, and Matthau too,
becalmed with the ripples of mirth dished up by writer Robert Nelson Jacobs
and the lack of direction of Martha Coolidge (Angie, Lost in Yonkers).
Coolidge sensibly deserts the bridge at the first ship's first port of call,
allowing the movie to drift into a 60s farce that no amount of face-pulling
by Matthau can save.
There's a boring carnival slapstick sequence that reminds one of that other
waterlogged turkey, My Father the Hero.
What storyline there is centres around hopeless gambler Matthau's desire
to snare one of the rich women on the cruise, and he turns his squinty eyes
onto the well-preserved Liz LaBreche (Dyan Cannon).
The burgeoning love affair between these two is so unbelievable that Matthau
should be placed immediately on a paedophile wanted list.
There's nothing more unseemly than a 70 year old who looks 90 trying to
get his rocks of with a 50 year old who, through the wonders of liposuction,
silicone, dim lighting and soft focus looks in her 40s.
As Charlie tries all his old – and I mean old – lines, you can
just imagine Liz looking up at that wrinkled old face and neck and wondering:
"Gee, what must his balls look like!"
Charlie's plan is to marry Liz and presumably inherit all her money when
she dies of old age. Good plan, Charlie! The only possible flaw is that
you'll have been dead about 70 years yourself by then.
Then there's widower Herb's own romantic interlude with Vivian (Gloria DeHaven).
Their passionate kisses on the open deck are spoiled somewhat by the knowledge
that hidden from view, Herb's left elbow is busy flailing away at that penile
pump he had installed in case of just such an emergency.
Others in the cast looking furtively for the lifeboats are Brent Spiner,
camping it up as the cruise director from hell, Donald O'Connor proving
he can still tapdance at 103, Rue McClanahan's limited input as the ship's
owner and last but least, that old bag who plays George's Jewish mother
in Seinfeld. Her occasional appearances gave this reviewer a chance to daydream
about how funny Seinfeld can be at times.
Perhaps I'm being a little unfair. Out to Sea with its contrived, end-of-trip
sentimentality will probably raise a laugh and a tear or two from the purple
rinse brigade in the relaxation centre at the old people's home.
The good news is that they shouldn't have to wait long: Out to Sea will
probably be available on video in a week or two.
Don Gordon-Brown
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (M)
BUG rating: TWO AND A HALF BUGS
The Naked Gun and Flying High meet Carry On Spying and the Pink Panther
in Austin Powers – International Man of Mystery.
Austin Powers (Mike Myers) is a sexy, groovy, mod and dentally challenged
photographer who moonlights as a British secret agent.
He has been cryogenically frozen since 1967 just in case his nemesis Dr
Evil (also Myers) returns to earth after he too was snap frozen and sent
into orbit.
That day arrives in 1997 and Powers is defrosted and teamed up with fellow
spy Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley), the daughter of his partner from
the swinging 60s.
There is obviously a rich vein of humour to be mined in having Powers confront
the 1990s while stuck in his psychedelic 60s time warp.
Unfortunately, the movie only scratches the surface.
Myers (Wayne’s World I and II, So I Married an Axe Murderer) wrote
the screenplay so he has made Powers himself funny. But most of the rest
of the comedy is familiar and predictable.
In its early stages the film holds out the promise of having Powers confront
what is essentially an alien world, given all the social and political changes
that have occurred in the past 30 years.
But in that respect it doesn’t really deliver, settling into being
just a spoof of spy movies.
Powers appears all too comfortable with the modern world and its changed
social values and advanced technologies.
In fact, Dr Evil has more trouble adjusting to his resumed life.
The massive changes that Powers has missed out on while frozen in time never
really intrude into his view of his new world.
They are dismissed in a few brief scenes, one in which his partner Kensington
has to explain that indiscriminate sex, sexism and drug use are no longer
accepted leisure time activities, and another in which he watches footage
of the moon landing and the fall of the Berlin Wall.
In the end, the device of having Powers effectively travel through time
isn’t really relevant. It is simply used for a few jokes and then promptly
forgotten about.
Myers may have been better off keeping Austin Powers in the swinging 60s
in London and turning the send-up dial up as far as it can go.
Despite that, the film does deliver some laughs along the way.
Myers certainly does all he can to keep the Carry On tradition alive through
some good sight gags and in the names of some characters (Alotta Fagina
is an Italian temptress working for the bad guys).
- Lindsay Marshall
Bean (PG)
BUG Rating: TWO BUGS
Before I started writing this review of the Bean movie, I must warn you that I had a big plate of baked beans so wouldn't it be terrible if I suffered a bout of ...frrraaaappppp!... oops, sorry, a bout of flatulence while writing this review.
I certainly hope that won't happen agai ...frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt. Sorry. Yet oddly enough, some people might find my predicament amusing in its own way. But that's humour for you isn't it- something for everyone?
In this, the first hardtop outing for Rowan Atkinson's feeble minded, anti-social and asexual creation, Mr Bean finds ... frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.
Gosh, how embarrassing. To break wind occasionally is funny, I guess, but how am I going to finish this column if I'm struck down with a..oh no, here we go again...frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt
Gosh, I guess there are probably even some people who would find an extended, uncontrollable bout of..pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptt.frraaappppp ppptthth ptthh thurrrrrrttt.....pttt...pttt fraapp pptptttt ptttttt tt t ttt sorry, even funnier still
If you fall into this category, you'll love Bean, for Rowan Atkinson has gone bodily where few have dared go before.
Even if you find an extended bout of flatulence - or nose blowing, or pelvis thrusting, or whatever - a little unsophisticated, Bean is still quite good fun. But let's hope there's no sequel.
Don Gordon-Brown
Sling Blade (MA)
BUG Rating: Three and a half BUGS
Karl Childers never had a chance.
Mildly retarded, he is banished by his parents to a backyard shed where
he is out of sight while they are out of their minds.
He is picked on at school and even before he enters his teenage years he
commits a murder.
He is sent away to spend 25 years in what he describes as the “nervous
hospital”.
Sling Blade starts when Karl (writer/director Billy Bob Thornton) is about
to be released back into a world he is ill-equipped to handle.
From there Thornton weaves a touching, involving and sometimes humorous
picture of Karl as he attempts to find a new life in his old home town.
Karl – the product of a woefully dysfunctional family – finds
himself in circumstances almost parallel to his own 30 years before.
He befriends Frank Wheatley (Lucas Black) – an impressionable young
boy forced by circumstances to endure the presence of a violent and unbalanced
adult in his life.
Dwight Yoakam puts in a solid performance as Doyle Hargraves, a man who
has a tendency towards violence and seemingly fewer social skills than Karl.
Hargraves poses a threat to Frank and his mother Linda (Natalie Canerday),
and Karl soon realises no-one can stand up for them – certainly not
Vaughan Cunningham (John Ritter) a homosexual store manager.
Karl decides to resolve the situation.
In the early stages of the film, Thornton cleverly builds audience expectations
of a happy “Hollywood” ending to the story.
But Karl is no Forrest Gump. The film rolls inexorably towards an inevitable
and powerful, albeit predictable, ending.
The film has a strong main cast and an equally strong supporting cast
It also contains some surprising cameo appearances.
The only drawback is that some of the dialogue sometimes gets lost in the
Southern American accents.
Sling Blade has picked up a string of awards, not least an American Academy
Award for best screenplay (adapted).
It’s good to know that some Americans still make films that don’t
just offer cardboard cut-out characters, aliens, dinosaurs, special effects
and research-driven endings.
Sling Blade deserves all the praise being heaped on it.
- Lindsay Marshall
