The Liz Cunningham Roast.
Thoroughly inspect all your meat and vegetable options. Do not be pressured
into snap decisions. Then eat what Rob Borbidge is having.
The Mal Colston Family Size Pie
Take a plane from Brisbane to Caloundra to pick up some grain -fed minced
beef. Instruct your driver to take home the meat in the Comm car. Charter
a light aircraft to Amberley to pick up your vegetables from the Lockyer
Valley.
Fly back to Brisbane and use a taxi chit to get home. After you have had
lunch, drive in your taxpayer-funded car across the road to the shop to
pick up flour, butter eggs and milk.
Bake a gigantic pie. Invite all your friends around to dinner to ensure
you have the pie to yourself.
The Amanda Vanstone Lettuce Salad (which has gone a tad stale since
last weekend)
Take four lettuce leaves and feed them to students and the unemployed. (Serves
4). Thoroughly abuse anyone who has not enough money to put decent food
on the table or who blow all their income on food and rent rather than sending
their children to private schools.
The Jocelyn Newmann Infant Formula
Take the food out of the mouths of babes and toddlers in child care. Feed
caviare and chardonnay to private nursing home owners.
The Jeff Kennett Chops
Take all the food you can from school tuckshops, hospital kitchens and railway
canteens. Give all the green stuff to your casino mates. As for the poor,
let them eat cake.
Peter Costello Waffles
With a stupid smug smile, explain to your dinner guests how you intended
to present a delicious dessert. With a greasy grin, complain that the previous
tenants had lost all the goodies in the kitchen. With a cretinous cackle,
describe all the mouth watering cream that would have been on top. Then
give ‘em nothin’ but charge them a GST on what you would have
served.
The Brian Harradine Tart
Do a deal with an orchardist to get some apples. Do a deal with a dairy
farmer to get some milk, butter and cream. Do a deal with a poultry farmer
to get some eggs. Do a deal with a grain farmer for flour. At the dinner
table loudly abhor deal-makers.
The Alexander Downer Cooked Goose
Get some tinpot island leader from the South Pacific to take a goose out
of the freezer 24 hours beforehand. Ring the bell for the some other corrupt
pisspot from another South Pacific nation to pick up the goose. Look on
like a slightly demented upper class twit until your goose is cooked. While
some other skirt-chasing. grassskirt weaving bozo is serving the meal, turn
to the right and remark excitedly: " I say mummsy, isn't this all rather
peachey poo."
The Richard Court Native Title Stew
Deliberately misread a recipe so that you can give graziers and miners the
shits with your concocted stew.
The Vaughan Johnson Crasher role (no longer on the menu)
Select a cut of meat with your eyes closed. You will instinctively know
whether the cut is any good or not. (Take care not to crash into the freezer.
) Put the meat in the oven and cook till it’s half-baked. Serve with
fried bananas.
