Labor leader's critics mouth off

By Laurie O. Gratten in Canberra
Simon Crean's leadership of the federal Labor Party is under renewed
pressure for the third time this week following the leaking of
new internal party polling.
The poll, taken in key Labor marginal seats, shows voters would
be more likely to vote for Mr Crean if he underwent extensive
craniofacial surgery.
A senior Labor MP and supporter of former party leader Kim Beazley
said the poll had helped isolate a key factor contributing to
Mr Crean's persistent unpopularity.
"Most people polled said they'd vote for Simon if he didn't
have such a weasely little mouth," the MP said.
"It's just something about the way his mouth is too narrow
and when he smiles, well he looks as though he's not so much smiling
as baring his teeth.
"The interesting thing was that the majority of those polled
thought Kim Beazley had a really nice looking mouth - well-used
with plump, statesmanlike lips and teeth that look very prime-ministerial."
The poll asked voters if they would be prepared to vote for Mr
Crean as he looks naturally, or if he had major craniofacial surgery
to alter his appearance to resemble other celebrities or political
figures.
Mr Crean's approval rating rose to a high of 78% when he was given
jailed former One Nation leader Pauline Hanson's mouth.
But a whopping 99.94% of those polled said they would consider
voting for Crean if he had the mouth of cricket legend, the late
Sir Donald Bradman.
But his approval rating fell even below his own recent record
low levels to just 2% when voters were shown a representation
of him with Liberal MP Bronwyn Bishop's mouth or that of former
US Vice-President Al Gore.
Mr Crean scored his highest approval among women voters (69%)
with Errol Flynn's mouth and achieved his highest rating from
men (also 69%) when voters were shown him with the mouth of former
Hollywood porn star, the late Linda Lovelace.
The MP said it would be difficult for Mr Crean to survive the
latest damaging poll, or another one due to be leaked next week
showing voters would prefer a fat, recycled, twice-losing windbag
as Opposition Leader, but not necessarily as PM.
