Men of the world inch forward

Dear Doctor Dick,
I am looking to enlarge my penis naturally. I've heard of the jojido methods but I can't seem to find their site on the web. Could you tell me where I can get in touch with the jojido methods? Please reply, for I am at a loss. Thank you.
Wondering
September 23

Doctor Dick replies: You're wondering!!! I've been wondering for a long time now why men always seem to be dissatisfied with their sexual equipment.
The hundreds of emails and letters that flood into my clinic every month suggest that all the world's women are sadists - bedrooms around the globe rebounding with their openly held contempt for our rampant manhoods.
I hear their shrieks of laughter getting louder by the moment, the corners of their mouths curling with open contempt as they spit out epithets like "Who do you think you're going to please with that?" , "Boy, it must be cold in here!" or the worst shrinkdown of all, "I thought you liked me!"
So yes, I could give you some information about the jojido method but I won't. Instead, get a grip on, and be proud of, what you've got.
Remember too that even the most well-endowed white man who ever lived - porn star Johnny "The Wad" Holmes - was reportedly unhappy with the size of his penis and thought it could have been bigger. This mind, from a guy who, every time he had sex, came in an adjoining room.

Dear Doctor Dick,
How can you tell if a man fakes it?
RS
September 29

Doctor Dick replies: You've got nothing to swallow?

Dear Doctor Dick,
My mates and I were standing around the barbecue on the weekend, having a beer or two and talking about girls as usual.
What we all wanted to know was this: if we all woke up the next morning and found we all had a smashing set of bodacious ta-tas, would we ever tire of playing with them?
Phil W
September 21

Doctor Dick replies: Once you rubbed them off, sure.

Dear Doctor Dick,
I'm perfectly happy with every aspect of my penis.
Content
September 18

Doctor Dick replies: This clinic does not respond to inquiries that are blatantly vexacious or fake.

Dear Doctor Dick,
My penis is two inches regular and three inches when erected. Is that small? How big should I be?
DR
October 5

Doctor Dick replies: Please ignore an earlier answer in this column. Three inches, eh? Phew, talk about getting the short straw. I'm going to clear my schedule for the rest of the week and bone up, so to speak, on the latest advancements in penile enlargement. It may be pumps, it may be implants, it may be pills, but we're going to fix you up one way or the other.

Dear Doctor Dick,
My dick is so small. It is only a half-inch. Is this normal for an 11-year-old boy.
How can I get it bigger without taking any pills or pumping it. Can you e-mail me back. Thanks.
BW
September 16

Doctor Dick replies: I've cleared my schedule for the rest of the month.

Dear Doctor Dick,
My penis size is 3.75 inches so my question is this: am I capable of having a child, and if not what I should do?
Zia
September 16

Doctor Dick replies: Seeing you've got a penis, I would think your chances of having a child are very, very remote indeed.

Dear Doctor Dick,
Is it true that you yourself once considered having an operation to achieve a 12inch penis?
Hear-say
October 9

Doctor Dick replies: True, but I cancelled the operation at the last moment when I discovered there were considerable dangers associated with having the reduction done.

Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006, or drop him an e-mail.