PM rejects Bug's plan to end woolly thinking

Howard, ewe heartless prick!

Plans to turn 52,000 stranded Aussie sheep into living national treasures have been given the thumbs-down by a heartless Howard Government.
Stung by the plight of all that tucker that the towelheads turned away, your No.1 family newspaper The Bug faxed the Prime Minister's office, pleading with him to return the sheep to Australia "to live out their days" as living proof of all that's good and decent in Australian society.
We can't believe the government has rejected our argument and is now likely to bring them home for slaughter - or the even more appalling alternative - killing the sheep one by one on board the Cormo Express and chucking their carcasses down a mincer to turn the Gulf waters into a watery lamb casserole
We argued that because the condemned sheep were rejected three times by various Middle Eastern ports, they were entitled, like anybody on death row, to an unconditional pardon if attempts to execute them failed three times.
We argued that seeing Canberra was once a sheep station, why not fence off a large area of lawn in the front of the old Parliament House and let them enjoy the remainder of their lives as symbols of all that's fair and just in our society.
We even came up with a great name for it: WetherWorld. God knows the national capital needs a major attraction apart from the permanent circus up on the hill. Besides, we as a nation built our wealth on the sheep's back, so why not thank those 52,000 sheep for the wool and the blood their great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents shed for us.Bales of lucerne and grain could be stored in old Parliament House, seeing it's not used for anything worthwhile anymore.
Frankly we are surprised that the PM has knocked the scheme on the head faster then slaughtermen would work their way through the ship of shame's unwilling cargo.
These little buggers are true Gulf veterans, and we just can't understand why our PM's normally astute political antenna has let him down on this occasion. It'd be a wonderful opportunity for him to bask in the reflected glory of a series of welcome-home parades through the major cities. Talk about mob hysteria. It's a deadset vote winner that's better than Bali.
And think of the tourism opportunities as millions of overseas people flock to the national capital to see these national treasures.

How WetherWorld would have looked

Kiwis heading into stormy wether?

A pleasure ship has left Christchurch Harbour bound for the Middle East, laden with 52,000 lonely New Zealand women eager to find lasting love.
"Spirits are high among the passengers and they're all terribly excited about the chances of meeting Mr Right," Captain Merrill Stubing (right) told The Bug by ship radio at the weekend.
"The very thought of an equal number of males being available in the one spot makes for a very romantic rendezous."
But a leading behavioural psychologist has warned the trip could end in tears if the trip was not being taken for "the right reasons".
"I fear many of these women are just getting back at their menfolk for ignoring them," argues Doctor Ruth Rylesby, of Auckland University.
"Springtime in New Zealand is normally when women get some attention in the boudoir, what with the lambing season in full swing and all.
"This year, the menfolk are all over in Australia following the fortunes of the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup.
"I don't know how these frustrated women are going to react if a lot of the males have scabby mouth."
But one Dunedin woman summed up the feelings on board: "I haven't had sux for sex months," she complained.