Marketing:

Fur flies, feathers ruffled over mascot choice

The body charged with promoting Brisbane to its own residents, the nation and the world has copped flak for using an introduced pest animal in its latest advertising campaign, as this exclusive vox pop by The Bug found.

Brisbane Marketing recently launched its $1 million "Exercise your ferret" campaign to highlight many "hidden gems" such as South Bank Parklands, the Brisbane River and other features that locals apparently are too stupid to have known about already.
The star of the campaign is a fleet-footed ferret - an animal banned in Queensland as a pest and liable to be put to death by state authorities if caught.
The advertising campaign has generated anger among other introduced pest species, many of whom claim they should have been used instead of the ferret (pictured above right).
"Why didn't they pick me or someone from my family?" said Gordon Gecko, formerly of Indonesia and now of Greenslopes.
"We've only been here a little while but we're breeding profusely, so why not use me?
"Let's face it, I'm good-looking, quick on my feet and make a really cute noise. Listen to this ... click, click, click.
"And what a slogan for any TV campaign! Come and have a gecko at this!
"Now why didn't they run with that: it's a natural.
"Apart from anything else, I'm easy to get rid of if people get sick of me. Just a spray of Mortein or a well-directed shoe heel and I'm out of your hair forever.
"Ever tried to garrot a ferret you've grown sick of? A very messy business. A ferret's temperament means he's never, ever, going to go quietly."
Kathy Cane-Toad of Carina said she also felt snubbed by Brisbane Marketing.
"My family has been here since the 1930s; we're not just blow-ins like those bad-tempered, backbiting ferrets," she said. "Let's face it, I'm good looking, quick on my feet and I can make a really cute noise, especially if a car tyre catches me flush on.
"And how about this for a slogan: Enjoy Brisbane, warts and all!
"Get it? Frogs, warts. Same thing with toads, I guess.
"Besides, I'm also surprised Brisbane Marketing has to spend so much money telling people about all the creeks and wetlands throughout the city. Nobody in my family has ever had any trouble finding them."
Sally Sparrow of Sunnybank was also surprised at the need for the promotional campaign, saying: "Who doesn't know about South Bank Parklands?
"I go there every day for breakfast, a couple of mid-morning snacks, then lunch, a couple of snacks during the afternoon, then dinner followed by a few late-night snacks - and it's always crowded.
"If people don't know about it, have the South Bank people been pissing - pardon the French - millions of their own promotional funds up against a wall for the last decade?"
Ms Sparrow also said she should have been considered as the face of the latest campaign.
"Queensland's the Smart State, right? So it would have been just perfect to use my flittery, jittery personality with the simple slogan: Be sparrow and see more of your city!
"You know? Rhyming slang for smart? Sparrow fart. Smart. Try and keep up with me on this one. I think it works on so many levels.
"And let's face it, I'm good-looking, quick on my feet and I suppose I could make a really cute noise if I ever stopped hopping around and eating table scraps for a moment," she said.
Robert Rabbit of Ransome said his family had been in Australia since 1859 and deserved at least a chance at starring in the campaign.
"At least we're normal. Look at this ferret guy; he's cross-eyed!
"My missus had a litter of pups once and one of the little ones had eyes that were all wrong like that. I killed it straight away. It wasn't even the runt but it had to be done.
"Now I know people are going to say I bear a grudge against ferrets because they are used in hunting members of my family," Mr Rabbit said.
"They'd be spot on. I don't know why they chose a vicious little bastard like a ferret and not me.
"Let's face it, I'm good looking, quick on my feet and while I can't really make a cute noise, I sure can fuck non-stop," he said.
The choice of a ferret has also been given the claws down by one of Brisbane's most loved native animals.
Randy Ringtail-Possum, of Spring Hill, said: "A ferret for goodness sake! Mention ferret to me and I instantly conjure up an image of one going for a canter through a furry hoop.
"Not that's there's anything wrong with that - and I've got a fairly nice image in my mind right now - but it's a bloody hard sell for family outings in a city park."

 

Gordon Gecko: Only here a little while but breeding profusely

Kathy Cane-Toad: No trouble finding city's creeks and wetlands

Sally Sparrow: Surprised at need for promotional campaign.

 

Robert Rabbit: Bears grudge against ferrets for family reasons.

Randy Ringtail: Ferrets are a hard act to sell to families