Tests performed for The Bug at one of the world's most prestigious DNA testing laboratories have revealed that the gangly Prince's real father is disgraced former soldier and love-rat James Hewitt.
The shocking news that the man who would be king - if the uncommitted Prince William declined his birthright - is the commoner son of an unhinged, anorexic loon and a boarish, disgraced army jerk has sent shudders through royal circles. (see separate report, this issue)
In a world exclusive, The Bug can now reveal how it trapped the young Prince into parting with a telltale specimen suitable for diagnostic testing.
We travelled to the outskirts of the Queensland cattle property, Tooloombilla, in western Queensland, where the Prince is currently enjoying a working holiday.
Under the cover of darkness and skilfully avoiding dozens of royal minders and security people, we tethered a very attractive merino ewe near the front steps to Prince Harry's humble sleeping quarters well away from the main homestead.
The following night, we recovered the animal and took it to a veterinary clinic in nearby Injune, where a femdom inserted days earlier was removed and examined.
The contents were rushed to the laboratory and The Bug can now reveal to the world that an extraordinary number of workers at Tooloombilla, including at least three jackeroos, two ringers and the homestead's female cook, are from New Zealand.
Okay, so no-one had told us that Harry, like his father and grandfather, are fiercely patriotic and won't touch anything other than a border leicester or poll dorset (pictured).
Undaunted, we bided our time and not two days later, observed the charming young Prince taking a well-deserved smoko break during a hot day's mustering and branding. After the work team had moved on, we examined the prince's resting spot and knew immediately we had struck paydirt.
Among the pile of pile of discarded reefers was one with a distinctive blue spot on it.
The prince's ruby-red soft English lips had unwittingly surrendered the specimen we needed.
Whether the bleeding had come from chaffed lips caused by Queensland's unrelenting sun or a sharp roach clip was irrelevant - we had the evidence we needed to file the scoop of the century.
Harry's short smoko
break and, inset, the damning evidence.