The usual lumps and bumps

Dear Dr Dick,
This hard, red lump developed overnight on my arsehole. Any suggestions?
Mary, Sept 12

Dr Dick replies: I think just to be on the safe side he should have it checked out immediately.

Dear Dr Dick,
I am 14 years old and I have a three-inch penis. Is that small for my age? And when I am older I want to become circumcised. Is that a smart choice?
JD, Sept 9

Dr Dick replies: I'd strongly recommend against hacking bits off just in case your three-inch member doesn't get any bigger.

Dear Dr Dick,
I am a 16-year-old boy. My penis is about 4.5 inches. Is it too short? I masturbate frequently but I want to give up but cannot. What should I do?
David L, Jan 1, 1998

Doctor Dick replies: Boy, it's taken a while for your email to reach me and from all accounts it sounds like your hand's been too busy to press the send key. My guess is that in the intervening five years, a lot of semen has flowed under the bedsheets, right? All that pulling has probably also increased the size of your little fireman, true? And made you more determined than ever not to pull out of the occasional and pleasureable tug. Am I right, am I right, am I right!!!

Dear Dr Dick,
Is it normal to have hair growing on my penis? And is it normal in this millennium to trim my pubic hair
HWetc, August 23.

Doctor Dick replies: Take a closer look and you'll probably discover that the palm of your hand is just shedding its winter coat. As to the latter part of your question, trim away, just don't do it in public or you might end up with an Arts Queensland grant.

Dear Dr Dick,
I am 14 years old and am 170cm tall. I hear 16 year olds always saying their dick is six inches (when erected) and I wondering is it odd for a 14-year-old to have a six-inch penis (when its erect)? I was wonder is there a way to figure out the size of ya dick in later years?
Damo, August 19

Doctor Dick replies: I know what you're thinking. If I've got a six-inch donger at 14, will it be sixteen-fourteenths that size when I'm 16. And if it's sized sixteen-fourteenths when I'm 16, will it be forty-sixteenths when I'm 40. Sorry, but the answer is No.

Dear Dr Dick,
I met a gal over the internet, she is 12 and I am 13, I want two meet her but she lives in Birmingham and I live in Blackpool. What should I do? Please help!
Richard, August 19

Dr Dick replies: Look on the bright side. If you travel to Birmingham by British Rail, she should be legal by the time you get there!

Dear Dr Dick,
It's kinda strange, but I was shaving my genitals the other day and somehow I guess I got too close to my penis. Well, now after a day or two there's some weird looking abrasions on it. I'm wondering is this a direct relation here or what? And what's the best way to get it to heal. It's kinda hard you know to let the sores breath so they're pretty much sitting down there in a heated area.
I guess this will take a while huh? I'm never shaving again. At least I pray that's what this is and not something crazy like syphillis.
Heath, August 28

Dr Dick replies: The best way to get it to heal is to rub some hand or body cream into it. A vigorous application and a good solid rubbing in several times a day should do the trick. In fact you might enjoy it so much that you'll reconsider your vow never to shave down there again. Please be sure to wash your hands afterwards.

Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Dick can help.
Address your questions to Dr Dick, P.O. Box 696, Fortitude Valley. Q. 4006, or drop him an e-mail.