Horror period for film

The Bug has been very fortunate in engaging the services of one of Australia's leading critics in David Pomeranian from the top-rating film review programme Two Prats Arguing. In this issue, David examines the phenomenon of reinventing film genres.

Gawd, there have been some awful horror flicks in the last couple of years!
After a decade or so of Freddy Krueger, Jason and Michael Myers, directors like Wes Craven threw the genre a curve ball and started taking the piss with films like Scream and I Know What you did Last Summer.
Then we had to endure a whole string of films like Scary Movie, which chose to parody the parody.
Now however, the genre seems to have turned full circle and we're seeing some truly frightening and intelligent horror flicks. Recently released is Trainspotting director Danny Boyle's career saver 28 Days Later, a terrifying interpretation of the post-apocalyptic/plague/disaster/zombie thriller.
And on the home ground, Brisbane boys Peter and Michael Spierig have cobbled together a very impressive schlock mess in Undead (at right).
Sometimes you just can't get enough bloodied spinal cords wobbling across the screen.
So what is it about reinventing genres?
We've seen it in horror, we're seeing the ruin of sci-fi in the recent Star Wars episodes and there have been some truly abhorrent romantic comedies in the last few years. And don't get me started on Harry bloody Potter or effing bloody Frodo and his simpering little mate Sam Gamgee.
There's a mint to be made in reinventing genres and rich will be the bloke or blokette who jags the next big thing. I've got some ideas about where the money lies. If you have any luck with any of them, I'll expect a bit of a kickback. It's only fair...

Swimming movies
Given the success of synchronised swimming in recent years at the Olympics, it might be time to be checking the casting couch for the new millennium's Esther Williams or Annette Kellerman. Oh dear... there's nothing more alluring or disturbingly phallic than a bare calf and pointed toe twisting erotically around in the water.
Elvis films
Not forgetting the car-racing, surfing and GI possibilities, there's a whole sub-genre of Hawaiian Elvis films just begging to be remade or adapted. With the millions of Elvis impersonators out there, it should be possible to make enough films to suit even the most discerning King aficionado.

"Andy Hardy" films
When I was a young feller, I learnt all I ever needed to know about the fairer sex and what to do with them by watching Mickey Rooney as he waltzed through one adventure after another as Andy Hardy.
There's a lot to be said for educating our youth properly in art of love and canoodling. Perhaps it's about time to revive Mickey in heartening role of Andy. After all the old stick hasn't quite shuffled off his mortal coil and he might be able to teach us something yet.

Newsreels
Speaking of the "good old days", I remember sneaking into wartime matinees with my mates and our BB guns just in case the newsreels mentioned Krauts or Japs. At first sight we'd pepper the screen with shot and yell Banzai! or Achtung schiess kopf! Another invaluable teaching tool, the old newsreel. With the networks laying off so many staff on the east coast, there might be some money to be made exploiting their talents and reviving a dead art.

Tarzan ficks
It seems that each new decade heralds a new look at the legend of Edgar Rice Burrough's Tarzan. Rumour has it that the legend of Greystoke is soon to be reinvented in a truly Yankee manner with Tarzan hailing from Boston. I say we get in on the ground floor and come up with an Aussie version of the story. Perhaps Heath Ledger in a loin cloth swinging from billabong to billabong, raised from infancy by kindly platypus, platypusses, platypii, rescuing confused swagmen from the depths and wooing the odd sheep - "Me Tarzan, ewe Jane?" There might be something in it!