WORLD EXCLUSIVE
with Pat Malone
The three surviving Beatles are set to stage an historic reunion to
help launch Star Picket League's inaugural Grand Final at Downey Park on
September 20.
Performing together for the first time in almost three decades, the world's
greatest pop stars ever – Paul, Ringo and George – are expected
to belt out a medley of the Fab Four's most famous hits from the early 60s.
Their hour-long performance will be the ultimate highlight of a multi-million
dollar entertainment program Star Picket League has put on to prove once
and for all that the breakaway series holds all the cards in the battle
with the jaded and discredited JDG run competition which is, quite frankly,
a joke.
Few in the appreciative grand final crowd will be left dry-eyed when the
night's promoters play their trump card – and The Bug can reveal in
a world first that Julian Lennon, son of slain Beatle John, will joined
the famous trio on stage in an emotional tribute to the slain Beatle.
Julian is expected to sing his father's signature tune, Give Peace a Chance,
in a moving tribute to a legend of rock and roll whose brilliant writing
and performing career was cut so tragically short that night he married
Yoko Ono.
If that isn't enough, legendary crooner Frank Sinatra is tipped to warm
up the crowd on giant satellite Foxtel screens from his bed in the Robert
Trimbole Hospice for Mafioso Who Used to Be Able to Sing A Bit.
In a multi-million dollar deal, Sinatra has been signed to thump out a dozen
of his most famous songs, finishing off with New York, New Age Pork and
his signature tune, I'm Pretty Sure I Think From Memory I Did It My Way.
Despite his current illness, the legendary singer's voice is expected to
be as strong as ever, backed by the 102 piece Los Angeles Sympathy Orchestra
and the hospice's state of the art life support system and autocue.
If the famous crooner dies before the grand final as expected, promoters
have in place a contingency plan to cut back his appearance time to only
a few hit songs.
Sinatra's laid-back style will be the perfect follow-up to the earlier pounding
sets from Australian music legends, John Farnham, Midnight Oil, INXS and
the reformed Crowded House.
And for the mums, the New Seekers and Rolf Harris will both do extended
sets.
The grand final celebrations, in the hands of world events maestro Rick
Birch, are expected to cost close to $50 million.
The eight-hour gala performance will leave few in the crowd in doubt that
Star Picket League is well and truly here to stay and the establishment-run
JDG League with its outdated Origin of the Species concept is well and truly
the underdog in the battle for the hearts and minds of league supporters.
Well, this reporter certainly thinks so.
And then as if to signal the start of a night of explosive action, the bumper
flea market and arts and crafts stalls will be cleared from the main baseball
arena, the lights will go out and a state-of -the-art $4 million, 90 minute
fireworks extravaganza will erupt over the skies of Brisbane, followed by
the Holden Commodore Precision Driving Team.
This reporter has seen the video clip of the welcoming speech to both teams,
and I can report that world media baron, the visionary Rupert Mudrake, owner
of The Bug through one of his media empire's wholly owned family subsidiaries,
has never looked better or spoken with such obvious passion for the game
he'd so obviously love to own.
And in a perfect counterbalance to the great man and his vision, Star Picket
League's Australian chief executive John Robot will move the vote of thanks
to the world's greatest business entrepreneur, humanitarian and a really
wonderful and considerate boss to boot.
An emotional Robot gave an inkling of the thrust of his grand final speech
at a media launch for the big game this week when in a choking and wavering
voice he said: "The breakaway Star Picket League has never, ever, been
just about money."
And then with the consummate comedian's timing and waving a wad of grey
nurses: "It's been about a whole fucking shitload of money."
Robot said grand final night would be a night to remember for the whole
family.
"Our message to the people of Brisbane is simple: bring the whole family,
make a night of it, and, hey, why not stay for the match?"
Tickets to the grand final went on sale at the usual outlets on Monday.
Organisers expect a bumper crowd to pour onto the grassy slopes surrounding
the baseball ground at the north-eastern end of Downey Park, and they have
arranged with the North Brisbane Table Tennis Association to have another
50 seats in their clubhouse on stand-by if required.
The Mightly Brisbane Bolts are assured of a place in the grand final but
any one of the other Star Picket League teams could still make the final.
Only three points and four deaths separate all the other teams – The
Adelaide Anthrax, the South Melbourne Senseless Campervan Thrill Killers,
the East Melbourne E Coli, the South Sydney Septics, the North Sydney Lesions,
the Canberra Colonic Irrigators, the Hunter Valley Headhunters, the Fremantle
Felchers, the Darwin Death, the Townsville Turdburglars and the underrated
East Auckland Ewe'll Dos.
This week's court decision upholding the loyalty contracts forced
on players by the game's original administrator, the corrupt, out-of-date
and washed up JDG, has prompted The Bug, in the interests of fair play,
to recount the following incident involving Bolts star player Rod "Three
Legs" Flange.
Flange was subjected to enormous pressure from JDG backer and media proprietor,
Jimmy Storeman, before signing his loyalty contract with the JDG.
In this exclusive interview, Flange recalls a crucial meeting at the height
of the JDG verses Star Picket League battle at which Storeman attempted
to convince him to stick with the JDG.
It was about 10pm at night and JDG general manager, Kelvin Degrese, had
been trying to swing me around and have me put my mark on a JDG loyalty
contract.
I’d flown to Sydney from Brisbane for the meeting that afternoon.
The meeting in the boardroom of the JDG headquarters had started just after
7pm and the drinks cabinet was open, so I was pretty pissed.
Degrese told me the JDG didn’t want to lose me. It was at that stage
of the meeting – just after the lap dancers left – that young
Jimmy Storeman entered the room.
Storeman launched into a tirade against Star Picket League.
“It’s a f.... massacre. We’ve got 400 f.... s....,"
he said.
“Anyway what the f ..... does a c.... have to h.... if it means w.....
will p..... into a v..... full of e......"
Storeman singled out one of the Bolts' key players, Aaron “Stinky”
Finger and claimed he'd be finished if he joined the Star Picket side.
“And as for that g.... little h.... j.... f.... Finger. He can just
s..... my p...... and gargle the k...... and then v..... it out his f.....
little d......
"F..... that useless c..... He’s f....... finished, I mean f.......
b ....... Anyway, he’ll be like Don Bradman. Who the h....... remembers
that old g..... d..... c.... Bradman?”
At that moment there was a knock on the door, and it opened slowly.
Storeman turned and glared at the tea lady.
“Cup of tea?” she asked innocently.
“Yes, you sawn-off w..... c.... ," Storeman shouted at her, “what
the f .... do you f.... think I want – a s..... f .....y..... with
a v ..... on top?”
The tea lady – shaking nervously – placed the cup of tea on the
table in front of where Storeman was standing.
“It’s about f.... time you g..... d.... little w.... q.... Now
why don’t you just p.... off and g.... f..... you c.... x.... j....."
he said to her.
It was at that moment I passed out. I woke up in a motel bed in Bali three
days later with one of the lap dancers.
In all honesty, I cannot recall signing the JDG contract. Nor do I recall
marrying the lap dancer.
